You won't see edgy Bernie Madoff-related work like this in U.S. mainstream papers, but New York's own Jewish Daily Forward, as always, is up to the task of covering Jewish politics and news with a minimum of politically correct tiptoeing.

Above, an excerpt from Eli Valley's "The Shonda!" in the Forward.

Valley, sort of the Jewish version of R. Crumb, touts his work as "Ethnocentric Parochialism for the Whole Family!"

See Valley's profile on Jewcy.com, where I just discovered that, like me, he's a huge fan of noir-era cinematographer John Alton. No wonder I like Valley's work so much.

For more Madoff-related news that's not of the cartoonish persuasion, go to the end of this post for my daily Gelt Trip aggregation.

But first, please note that Barack Obama isn't being so politically correct either. Now in charge of a generally conservative country long dominated by profligate financiopaths, the nation's first black president is chewing out Wall Street bankers and generally acting like some kind of goldurned liberal.

Watch your back, my brother. And tell the Secret Service to do the same.

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

N.Y. Times: 'Senators Approve Health Bill for Children'

N.Y. Daily News: '23,000 JOBS FACE AXE'

Bloomberg: 'Hidden Bonuses Enrich Government Contractors as Taxpayers Pay $100 Billion'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Not again! 4-year-old disabled boy abandoned on bus'

N.Y. Post: 'O SENDS ANGRY ME$$AGE'

N.Y. Daily News: '15 yrs. for ma who killed, dumped baby'

N.Y. Times: 'Few Ways to Recover Bonuses to Bankers'

Wall Street Journal: 'U.S. Eyes Two-Part Bailout for Banks'

Bloomberg: 'Investors May Pour Billions Into Tide Power as Obama, EU Push Green Energy'

N.Y. Post: 'SURVIVORS' GILT: GIVE US MORE, US AIRWAYS PASSENGERS DEMAND'

N.Y. Post: 'THREE CANDIDATES KILLED AS ELECTION NEARS'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Workers waste no time erasing Blagojevich pictures, name from Capitol'

N.Y. Times: 'On His Way Out, Blagojevich Makes a Day of It'

N.Y. Times: 'Suicides of Soldiers Reach High of Nearly 3 Decades'

N.Y. Post: 'EX-COP SUIT IS FLUSHED'

Bloomberg: 'Peres Says Israel's Ties With Turkey Unaffected by Erdogan Spat'

CNN: 'Alaska volcano "more energetic," scientists say'

N.Y. Post: 'ELIOT'S MADAM GETS 6 MONTHS'

N.Y. Post: 'ACCUSED PSYCH-CENTER RAPISTS DODGE JAIL TIME'

Brooklyn Paper: 'City budget whiz says Bruce's Yards deal needs retooling'

N.Y. Post: 'DOORMAN'S COURAGE'

Wall Street Journal: 'Gaza Tensions Erupt At Davos Session'

Bloomberg: 'DVD Plunge, Viewer Shift to NetFlix May Force Studios to Write Down Films'

N.Y. Times: 'U.S. Says Jailed C.I.A. Mole Kept Spying for Russia'

Bloomberg: 'Citigroup Guarantees Test Obama Pledge to Tell Public More on Bailout Risk'

N.Y. Times: 'Bloomberg Will Seek Increase in Sales Taxes'

N.Y. Times: 'M.T.A. Planning to Spend Stimulus on Fulton St. Hub'

N.Y. Times: '"Mourning" the M and R Subway Lines'

Wall Street Journal: 'Europe Basks as U.S.-Style Capitalism Draws Fire'

N.Y. Times: 'Debate on Mayoral Control of Schools Is Renewed'

Onion: 'Blagojevich Claims Behavior Was Just Elaborate Plan To Surprise Patrick Fitzgerald With Senate Nomination on His Birthday'

N.Y. Times: 'Springsteen Promises High-Energy Halftime Show'

---

'BERNIE FACES BOOT'

From the Post:

N.Y. Times: '2 Banks to Send Madoff Trustee $535 Million'

Vos Iz Neias?: 'Manhattan Banks Find $500M in Madoff Accounts'

Jewish Daily Forward: 'Madoff's Lawyer Plays Both Sides of the Court'

Wall Street Journal: 'Ex-Merrill Executives Got Burned by Madoff'

Bloomberg: 'Madoff `Dull But Steady' Returns, Internal Probe Didn't Alarm Notz Stucki'

Eire on the side of the new president: There's no one as Irish as Bearach O'Bama.

Too short to be an oratorio, Barack Obama's inaugural speech (video) proved nevertheless that as an orator he's got handle.

That guy can speak. Notwithstanding our gratitude to George W. Bush for the past eight years of malaprops, listening to the new president yesterday was like going to the dentist for a deep cleaning followed by a thorough rinse.

Can barely even taste George now, can you?

Yes, the nation will have to endure several root canals, but for now, the public seems numb with delight about having a president who can speak our language and sounds like a grownup.

Considering that Obama will have to deliver more bad news to Americans than any other president in memory, we're fortunate that he's such a skilled and inspiring speaker.

It was already gratifying that we'll have a president who loves to play basketball. (As a former ballboy for the Phillips 66ers, I feel a special tug in the new president's direction.) But it's clear that no matter how much Obama likes to dribble, as a speaker he never drools.

One of the better analyses — up to a point — of Obama's inaugural address was Thomas DeFrank's piece in the Daily News:

Yes, Obama's speech was so stirring and well-delivered that it made even the most hardened cynics' knees buckle.

And DeFrank's analysis is smoothly written. But let's not get carried away about what DeFrank says about our having to "grow up."

We will not grow up — and by "we" I mean politicians and their "same old partisan, gridlocked, dog-eat-dog baloney." That will always be around, and every incoming president has to give us the same encouragement to pull together and forget the partisanship.

Yes, Obama had to say that, but partisanship is what democracies are made of, and other parts of Obama's speech were more memorable — like when he said:

You heard him. He actually included "non-believers" in there. What a refreshing change from the Bush regime, which tried to ram its evangelical nonsense down our throats.

Obama gave the obligatory shout-out to God, and I'm sure She's happy about that, but he actually directed a conciliatory phrase right at the Muslim world. Astonishing.

The new president, you might notice, pointedly did not portray the planet as the battleground of a comic-book-style "clash of civilizations." Instead, he actually tried to promote the idea that no matter what, we're all human.

Leave aside the lingering doubts that Dick Cheney is one of us. You have to hope that those words of Obama's will get under our skin and stay there.

Now, Obama, get to work on that New Great Depression.

And you out there: Start clicking on these items...unless you have to get back to work...if you still have a job...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

N.Y. Daily News: 'BAM'S MESSAGE: TOUGH LOVE FOR TOUGH TIMES'

Wall Street Journal: 'President Obama Urges Unity Amid "Raging Storms" of War and Recession'

N.Y. Times: 'Rejecting Bush Era, Reclaiming Values'

N.Y. Post: 'DAY OF DESTINY FOR ALL AMERICA'

N.Y. Post: 'Fatal Kitty Toss'

N.Y. Times: 'Hope Mixes with Doubt as World Reacts'

Crain's New York Business: 'Queens housing market hit hard'

Wall Street Journal: 'Bush: '"We Led With Conviction"'

Crain's New York Business: 'Market tumbles 330 points on bank jitters'

FOX: 'Obama Administration Moves to Halt Guantanamo Trials'

N.Y. Post: 'CITY TAKES BRUISIN' OVER SLIPPERY BRIDGE BIKE LANES'

Crain's New York Business: 'Report: Thousands of BofA layoffs coming this week'

N.Y. Times: 'Top Newsday Editors Return to Work After Dispute'

Crain's New York Business: 'Is Cablevision meddling in Newsday's coverage?'

Newsday: 'Knicks center Eddy Curry slapped with sex suit'

Newsday: 'Lawsuit filed against Eddy Curry (Warning: Explicit language)'

N.Y. Post: 'NEWSDAY EDITORS "MISSING"' (Keith Kelly)

N.Y. Times: 'Trials for Parents Who Chose Faith Over Medicine'

Wall Street Journal: 'Tax Issue Won't Derail Geithner: Senators Are More Concerned With How Treasury Nominee Will Help Fix Economy'

N.Y. Times: 'In Albany, Higher Taxes for the Rich Expected'

Wall Street Journal: 'Kennedy Has Seizure at Inaugural'

Wall Street Journal: 'Senate Confirms Raft of Cabinet Picks'

Wall Street Journal: 'Chrysler-Fiat Deal Needs U.S. Loans'

---

'Prosecutors Focus on Madoff's Point Man'

From the Wall Street Journal:

Crain's New York Business: 'Madoff victims likely to get little money back'

The Times as Jimmy Cagney and the reader as Mae Clarke. It's about time.

---

A banner day for the New York Times.

Newspapers that don't go out for blood are worthless. The Times often should be itself flayed because it so often doesn't take full advantage of its tremendous resources and usually undeserved clout and instead exudes arrogance and condescension.

This morning, however, its reporters slapped on their fedoras and got the goods, and their editors snapped out of it, rolled up their Brooks Brothers sleeves, and laid it on us.

Like Jimmy Cagney shoving a grapefruit into Mae Clarke's face in The Public Enemy (1931), Ethan Bronner's "U.N. and Red Cross Add to Outcry on Gaza War" calls a war a war and shoves the details into your face during your breakfast before you have time to take your first sip of coffee:

You can see that Bronner's piece doesn't fiddle around with the paper's usual stiff, officious lede followed by some boring, pseudo-analytical claptrap about how something affects decision-makers.

Bronner's second paragraph is the kind of thing you usually see as the lede of such a story:

The paper's still not up to speed on the fact that many Jews, both here and in Israel (particularly in Israel), are angrily opposed to the war on Gaza.

The peace movement among Jews gets prominent play in the vibrant Israeli press and in other outlets around the world. But not in the U.S. media.

However, you can always go to New York's own Forward, thank G-d, where the indefatigable Nathan Guttman's "Peace Groups Lose First Major Gaza Challenge On Capitol Hill: Attempts by Activists To Shape Resolution Come Up Short" opens a window on news that most of the rest of the U.S. press routinely ignores.

Enough of the negative stuff about negative stuff: The Times does deserve another kudos or two or three: Another example of today's fired-up Times is a Paris dispatch from veteran Alan Cowell, "Gaza Children Found With Mothers' Corpses":

Years ago, Cowell did a bang-up job writing such pieces day after day for the Times from apartheid-era South Africa. Now he's filing stuff about apartheid-era Israel.

Even the paper's editorial page this morning took off its kid gloves, dismissed its manservants and maids, and unleashed a sneer or two at its fellow Establishment members. Labeling the confirmation hearing for the new Secretary of Health and Human Services a "cuddly welcome for Mr. Daschle," the editorial board climbed down from the pedestal it has built for itself and started punching at the incoming Obama regime:

A welcome dose of cynicism instead of the expected deadly dull civility and caution.

Yes, there are still some nits to pick in the Times, but this morning the paper emits a louder buzz than usual.

Tally-ho! Release the hounds! The paper usually acts more like C. Montgomery Burns hounding the beleaguered folk in Springfield. This morning, it's dogging a newspaper's proper targets.

While you're wiping the grapefruit off your face, click on these items, front-loaded this morning only with other Times pieces, most of which have surprisingly hard-hitting, newsy ledes...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

N.Y. Times: 'Latinos Recall Pattern of Attacks Before Long Island Killing'

N.Y. Times: 'Senate Allies Fault Obama on Stimulus'

N.Y. Times: 'As His Inmates Grew Thinner, a Sheriff's Wallet Grew Fatter'

N.Y. Times: 'Fatal Avalanches Rattle Ski Country in the West'

N.Y. Times: 'Bill Easing Unionizing Is Under Heavy Attack'

N.Y. Times: 'Nationwide Inquiry on Bids for Municipal Bonds'

N.Y. Times: 'For BlackBerry, Obama's Devotion Is Priceless'

Bloomberg: 'Excrement, Insulation, Bike Paths Trim CO2 Emissions in Cities'

Wall Street Journal: 'A Wolfe in Regulator's Clothing: Drug Industry Critic Joins the FDA'

N.Y. Post: 'KID PERV IN AIDS SCARE'

Bloomberg: 'Brokers Disdain Toaster Salesmen in Bank America's Merrill Deal'

N.Y. Post: 'SLAY FESS: REALTOR SENT ME OVER EDGE'

Wall Street Journal: 'Business Warms to Obama, but Frictions Loom on Climate'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Gotti hit man dips his foe in acid, but loves mommy'

N.Y. Post: 'CAROLINE HAS "A MINUS": GOV'

Wall Street Journal: 'Wall Street Is Big Donor to Inauguration'

N.Y. Post: 'JUST LIKE OL' CRIMES: NYPD'S LETUP STIRS FEARS OF '80S FLASHBACK'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Brooklyn Nets Arena cutbacks? Bruce Ratner scales back plans; Star architect Frank Gehry may go'

Wall Street Journal: 'Lehman Brothers Plans Private-Equity Spinoff'

N.Y. Post: 'UPSTATE "PONZI" HITS CHURCHES'

N.Y. Post: 'FORMER GOPER MIKE WANTS TO GET BACK IN'

Wall Street Journal: 'Bailout Pact Of GM, U.S. Would Block A UAW Strike'

Bloomberg: 'London Boom Time Bill Comes Due as Bankers Buy Coffee on Credit'

N.Y. Post: 'PUSH VS. TERRORIST "CELLS"'

N.Y. Daily News: 'I snapped & whacked her: Chilling confession in Linda Stein slay aired'

N.Y. Post: 'MTA'S "GREEN" BACKS'

N.Y. Post: 'NY CIVIL WAR BONES FOUND'

Wall Street Journal: 'Hedge-Fund Middlemen Get Pinched'

N.Y. Post: 'RATTNER BLOWOUT: BOTTLENECK DEVELOPS IN POSSIBLE CAR CZAR APPOINTMENT'

N.Y. Post: 'MORTGAGE RATES DROP'

Wall Street Journal: 'Chevron Warns of Hefty Drop in Earnings'

Bloomberg: 'Billion-Dollar U.S. Verdicts Vanish After Appeals, New Rulings'

N.Y. Post: 'DTV DELAY BACKED BY OBAMA'

Bloomberg: 'Obama Must Tackle Fannie, Freddie's Federal Ties'

Wall Street Journal: 'Panel Steps Up Criticism of Treasury Over TARP'

Bloomberg: 'Al-Jazeera Said to Mull Bid for English Soccer's Mideast Rights'

---

Bloomberg: 'Madoff's Three-Bedroom Riviera Retreat Belied Ponzi Scheme Role'

Bloomberg: 'Merkin Intimidated Co-Op Board While Building Funds Madoff Lost'

N.Y. Post: 'FINAL MADOFF PLUNDER PLAN'

Bloomberg: 'Uma Thurman No Help to Arpad Busson in Madoff Fraud's Nightmare'

Wall Street Journal: 'U.S.: Madoff Had $173 Million in Checks'

Bloomberg: 'Madoff Con Hits Boston, Home to Victim Shapiro, Ponzi'

Don't worry if you've been laid off, your kid's school has closed, your neighborhood's community center has had to shut down, your bank (revitalized by your tax money) is pestering you to turn over your home, the prices of booze and cigarettes have gone up again, subway fares are soaring, you couldn't afford to buy more than lumps of coal for your Christmas stocking, Bernie Madoff stole your gelt.

Taking the sting out of that: The Yanks signed Mark Texeira for $180 million in guaranteed money.

The local rags reported the great news as breathlessly as any hometown hack hinterlands newspaper would. From the Daily News:

Rodriguez will make $32 million this year and (for now) gets to fuck Madonna.

You — and ordinary New Yorkers like you — helped make it all possible with hundreds of millions of dollars in public subsidies and free land. Take some pride in that. Even if you can't afford tickets to the games. Give yourself a pat on the back.

You also made New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon happy; the Mets got public money for their new stadium, making it possible for them to afford their new players.

But Wilpon wasn't as lucky as Alex Rodriguez. Fred got fucked, but it was Bernie Madoff who turned the trick and it cost Fred $500 million.

Aside from that, more good news for the rich people you subsidize: If you're one of those people who rents from city slumlord Isaac Toussie, raise a toast to him: George W. Bush just granted him a pardon.

Put a bucket under those drips and click on these ...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Washington Post: 'The Dispirit of Christmas Present'

Slate: 'Bogus Trend of the Week: Booming Evangelical Attendance'

McClatchy: 'Salmon-tracking network upends some sacred cows'

Slate: 'Blago's Legal Eagles'

Wall Street Journal: 'Madoff Scheme Takes New Toll'

Slate: 'Cheney Fought the Law. Cheney Won.'

N.Y. Post: 'EX-BROKER FACES "HEDGE HOG" RAP'

L.A. Times: 'Chinese seek to pull cats from the menu'

Wall Street Journal: 'Obama, Two Aides Questioned in Probe'

N.Y. Post: 'PITY PONZI-POOR PENNEY'

Washington Post: 'SEC Chair Defends His Restraint'

N.Y. Post: 'CITY BIGS FACE DEUTSCHE GRILL'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Suicide not a shock to other Madoff victims'

Washington Post: 'Madoff Investor Found Dead in Office'

N.Y. Post: 'GOOD, BAD AND UGLY IN CITY CRIME STATS'

American Forces Press Service: 'Commander in Chief Recalls His "Great Days"'

McClatchy: 'California will see clout increase at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue'

N.Y. Post: 'SHEL SHOCKER: BEWARE CAROLINE, HE WARNS GOV'

McClatchy: 'Flaunting, sales of luxury goods down'

BBC: 'Cocoa prices hit a 23-year-high'

BBC: 'Dung souvenir based on holy phrase'

BBC: 'Sopranos actor cleared of murder'

BBC: 'NY Times admits to fake letter'

Washington Post: 'Shoe-Thrower Is Called Defiant'

Telegraph (U.K.): 'Pope says humanity needs "saving" from homosexuality'

N.Y. Times: 'Betrayed by Madoff, school adds lesson'

Jurist: 'Russia upper house gives final approval to presidential term extension amendments'

Jurist: 'Australia government lifts control order on ex-Guantanamo detainee Hicks'

Guardian (U.K.): 'Animal rights activists still target lab'

L.A. Times: 'Afghanistan's President Karzai laments coalition use of "thugs"'

Shoe-throwing journalist Muntazer Al-Zaidi must feel as if he'd died and gone to suicide-bomber heaven. At least one of his fellow Arabs is offering him a woman who may or may not be a virgin.

Sure, it's only woman, not the 72 promised to martyrs, but he's alive and she's alive and, well, you know. And she's thrilled about it, as Reuters reports from Cairo:

Start unlacing, baby. But until marriage, no tongues.

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

N.Y. Times: 'Mukasey Recuses Himself From Madoff Investigation'

N.Y. Post: 'MTA OKS HIKE IN DOUBLE WHAMMY'

Agence France Presse: 'Chrysler halts manufacturing as clock ticks on gov't bailout'

Guardian (U.K.): 'Scientists debunk the myth that you lose most heat through your head'

Register (U.K.): 'New York "iPod tax" incites media bleating: Four-cent proposal twists knickers'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Just like humans! Yes, a squirrel can waterski, just like us! And we have video of the versatile squirrel in action.'

Reuters: 'Father offers daughter to shoe-thrower'

N.Y. Times: 'Obama Selects Evangelist for Invocation'

Wall Street Journal: 'Regulator Schapiro to Run SEC for Obama'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Lillo's smirks spur fury as jury deliberates'

Register (U.K.): 'Censored scenes from the Congress WMD report: Last minute bioterror rewrites?'

N.Y. Post: 'NYERS BET ON KENNEDY BUT WANT ANDY'

Guardian (U.K.): 'Antisemites feast on Madoff misery'

Register (U.K.): 'Wikipedia self-flagellates over vanishing "farmsex": The missing Zoophilia edits'

N.Y. Post: 'SICK TRAN-SIT COP SLAY WIFE: HE WAS A CROSS-DRESSER'

Reuters: 'HIV infects women through healthy tissue: U.S. study'

Register (U.K.): 'Yahoo! to! kill! most! search! engine! data! records! after! three! months!'

Register (U.K.): 'Don't delay: Delete your DNA today'

McClatchy: 'Kabul residents have more fear of gangs than of Taliban'

Washington Post: 'End of the Hedge Fund?' (Sebastian Mallaby)

Guardian (U.K.): 'Iraqi officials arrested over coup plot against prime minister'

McClatchy: 'Salazar pick indicates big change at Interior Department'

Guardian (U.K.): 'UN tribunal jails Rwanda genocide mastermind for life'

Register (U.K.): 'Economists say European ancestors are what make you rich: No shit, Sherlock'

As various felonious and/or dumb-ass pols and athletes would say, let's try to get that sandalous incident in Baghdad behind us:

George W. Bush got the boot Sunday in Iraq.

(Chorus) Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah.

If the shoe hits, wear it.

(Chorus)

No matter what size the shoes were, they're too big for Bush to fill.

(Chorus)

Just the presence of Bush makes you want to hurl.

(Chorus)

OK, that's enough for now. See my item yesterday for more (and for photos and a video link).

I'm even more embarrassed that, along with most others, I ignored the fact that of course Barack Obama's shark, Rahm Emanuel, had dealt with Illinois Governor Rod "Obama is a Motherfucker" Blagojevich about the Senate vacancy.

Obama was certainly careful not to ignore it, when he said last Thursday, "I have never spoken to the governor on this subject. I am confident that no representatives of mine would have any part of any deals related to this seat."

Deals, no, Dealings, yes. Nothing nefarious about having to deal with the guy who has the power to name someone to Obama's Senate seat. It would be shocking if Emanuel hadn't talked with Blago about it.

Speaking of throwing shoes, that's too good for Bernie Madoff. He needs to be beaten like a red-headed stepchild.

But the real whippings should be reserved for those banks, institutional investors, and already rich machers from Palm Beach to Beverly Hills to London to Geneva to New York who invested with the guy.

Here's the SEC complaint against Madoff.

But where was the SEC a decade ago? As the Wall Street Journal reported last week:

Finally, a hero on Wall Street.

But don't blame only the SEC. Wall Streeters and the pols in their pockets have for years tried to de-fang the SEC by reducing its funding and luring away top regulators with higher-paying jobs and having them lobby their old pals.

A steady drumbeat of "Deregulate, deregulate" was all you heard from Wall Street for decades. This is what happens when you don't regulate.

While you figure out how protect your millions from scamsters like Madoff ...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Agence France Presse: 'Alwaleed still leads Arab tycoons despite losses'

Wall Street Journal: 'Google Wants Its Own Fast Track on the Web'

N.Y. Post: 'MADOFF SCAM BECOMES 'EARTH' QUAKE: $50B DISASTER RIPPLES FROM TOKYO TO GENEVA'

Times (U.K.): 'Bush says he saw "sole" of Iraqi shoe attacker'

Guardian (U.K.): 'George Bush: US will not walk away from Afghanistan'

Agence France Presse: 'Lebanese send more money home in 2008, but crisis may slow remittances'

Wall Street Journal: 'Emanuel, Blagojevich Aides Discussed Senate Seat: After Election, Obama Team Relayed List of Acceptable Candidates; No Evidence There Was Any Illegal Quid Pro Quo'

N.Y. Post: 'PATERSON IN A BLIND RAGE OVER SNL SKIT'

Wall Street Journal: 'Losses in Madoff Case Spread'

Agence France Presse: 'Journalist hurls shoes at 'dog' Bush during surprise Iraq visit'

Washington Post: 'Bush Defends Iraq War During a Farewell Visit: Iraqi Journalist Hurls Two Shoes at Bush During Press Conference With Al-Maliki'

Wall Street Journal: 'SEC Had Chances for Years to Expose Madoff's Alleged Ponzi Scheme'

Economist (U.K.): 'Ponzi squared: Just when Wall Street needs it least, Bernie Madoff's pyramid scheme takes financial fraud to new lows'

Scotsman (U.K.): 'Banks braced for Madoff impact' (Martin Flanagan)

And in a shocker, it was Pakistan that nabbed him.

Good news — for a change — from Pakistan: The suspected mastermind of the Mumbai Terror has been arrested in a raid, the Guardian (U.K.) and others report. And this happened inside Pakistan.

Here's how the Guardian tells it:

If these reports are true, then the arrest inside dangerously unstable Pakistan comes less than two weeks after the deadly November 26 attacks throughout India's version of New York City.

Compare that with 9/11. We're seven-plus years and counting and still no Osama bin Laden, who also was believed in hiding in either Afghanistan or Pakistan or both.

The best news about the arrest, if it's true and if Lakhvi really was the mastermind, is that Pakistan itself did the capturing. Maybe this will help ease the bitter fight between India and Pakistan, both of which have nuclear weapons.

Former strongman Pervez Musharraf and the scary Inter-Services Intelligence (Pakistan's CIA) long dragged their heels in the search for bin Laden.

Not so, apparently, regarding the Mumbai Terror ringleader. Of course, it wasn't ISI that did the capturing of the alleged Mumbai Terror ringleader. It was another Pakistan agency.

Only four days ago, the New York Times reported, in "Pakistan's Spies Aided Group Tied to Mumbai Siege," that the ISI shared intelligence with Lashkar and even provided protection for it.

The ISI did the same for bin Laden's crew. And in fact, ISI official Mahmoud Ahmad — who later turned out to have been Mohammed Atta's bagman — was having breakfast in D.C. on the morning of 9/11 with Porter Goss and Bob Graham, the chairs of Intelligence committees of the House and Senate. (See my August 10, 2004, item "Food for Thought.")

After 9/11, the two Floridians headed the formal congressional inquiry. Their breakfast with the Pakistan security official who was a bagman for one of the hijackers didn't make it into their 858-page report.

With that background, Goss was perfect for the job of CIA director, and three years after 9/11, George W. Bush gave him that job.

But this morning, at least, the news concerning Pakistan is good. If true, then the longtime undeclared war between Pakistan and India could be somewhat lessened.

On the other hand, Kashmir has always been the flash point between India and Pakistan, and it remains so.

In a piece dripping with acid of the citric variety, this morning's Daily News showcases some of Detroit's best blunders.

"Crash & Burn: Detroit's Biggest Lemons of All Time" offers a photo tour of the Edsel and 14 other relics, just to prepare you for the continuing sob stories by the people who now run the relics that are called Ford, Chrysler, and GM.

The Daily News list is clever and not as predictable as you'd think, because it includes Detroit disasters from all eras, including the Aveo and the Prowler.

But here's the problem: The Pinto and Chevette, for example, were clunky, and the Corvair was stylish but dangerous, but the Edsel was only stupid. Compared with today's bland vehicles, the Edsel was not clunky. In fact, let me get behind the wheel of the '58 model pictured above.

Ford may go bankrupt, but the Edsel must live on. In fact, if Ford does go under, its relics will only get more valuable. For the first time, even the Pinto would appreciate in value.

You might want to shop around for one of these lemons. When they foreclose on your house, at least you'll have a car to sleep in.

While I go out to beg spare change for gas money for these ancient Detroit guzzlers, stick to your keyboard and click ...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Register (U.K.): 'Tell Santa to bring more assault rifles: America tools up for the inauguration'

Guardian (U.K.): 'Rice tells Islamabad US expects "robust" response to Mumbai attacks'

N.Y. Times: 'Mumbai Attack Is Test for Pakistan on Curbing Militants'

BBC: 'Italy Confronts Puppy Smugglers' (video)

N.Y. Times: 'A Rush Into Refinancing as Mortgage Rates Fall'

Wall Street Journal: 'U.S. Makes a House Call'

Register (U.K.): 'Human rights court rules UK DNA grab illegal'

N.Y. Post: 'LAWYER'S DEADLY SECRET: SLAIN BY S&M MADMAN OBSESSED WITH VICTIM'S WHIP-MISTRESS GIRLFRIEND'

National Post (Canada): 'Crossing the blue line: The NHL relishes bloody noses, but won't tolerate Sean Avery's mouth'

BBC: 'Australia MPs "face breath tests"'

N.Y. Post: '"PERV" SHOCK AT REUNION'

Register (U.K.): 'Windows patching abysmal, and getting worse'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Police may throw flag on team'

Reuters: 'US must halt spread of nuclear, bio weapons -- Biden'

Financial Times (U.K.): 'Alarm raised on threat of mass assault'

Washington Post: 'Napolitano Calls Fighting Terror "Top Priority" '

Council on Foreign Relations: 'The U.S.-India Nuclear Deal'

Washington Post: 'Treasury Weighs Action on Mortgage Rates: Intervention Would Aim to Buoy the Housing Market by Forcing Down the Cost of Loans'

Register (U.K.): '"Faith-based" investment firm fingers holiday's most sinful games: Holy @&$#'

Washington Post: 'UAW Offers Detroit Concessions'

Agence France Presse: 'Intelligence bodies rush to avoid Mumbai blame: experts'

The Hindu (India): 'Ex-Pakistan Army officers, ISI trained Mumbai attackers: NYT'

BBC: 'Huge cut in UK interest rates'

Washington Post: 'Obama Policymakers Turn to Campaign Tools: Network of Supporters Tapped on Health-Care Issues'

AP: 'Fla. congresswoman accidentally hangs up on Obama'

BBC: 'France unveils huge stimulus plan'

Register (U.K.): 'Berlusconi plans to use G8 presidency to "regulate the internet"'

You load 16 tons and what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt. But the standard weights and measures are so out of whack that, in Britain, 20 billion of their pounds probably won't outweigh those 16 tons that Wall Street's bankers carelessly offloaded on us.

At least the Brits are trying, even though it means even more debt. Yes, there's big news from Parliament today: a $30 billion stimulus plan to bail out commoners. But you wouldn't know it by the U.S. press outlets, most of which grossly underplayed the Labor government's scheme announced by Chancellor Alistair Darling.

No Henry Paulson, he. In the slowest race on record, the British beat us to a bailout of ordinary folk from the crisis dumped on us by Wall Street's collapse (check out the Guardian's "Obama v Darling: the plans compared" video.)

Over here, Barack Obama won't even commit to rescinding George W. Bush's brazen tax cuts for the rich that his handlers enacted in the early daze of the current GOP regime.

And the American way, apparently, is to talk about helping "consumers" — that's how we suckers are viewed by Wall Street types like Paulson, according to our press (see the New York Post's "Paulson Works to Ease Consumer Credit Crunch.")

Paulson wants to help Detroit sell us even more vehicles. In Britain, the government at least pays lip service by often referring to us as "people," not "consumers."

OK, we're in transition and Obama hasn't even taken over yet. But over there, the Yanks aren't coming, so the Brits are robbing Peter the rich guy to pay Paul the plumber. The question is whether Obama is listening. Or is he listening to your pay-me-and-other-average-Americans-no-mind guys like Larry Summers?

So far, at least Obama's words are soothing — and we saw how important even words are when Rudy Giuliani was portrayed as keeping it cool right after 9/11. In "Team Obama promises huge jolt to economy," the Guardian's Ewen MacAskill writes:

Progressive or regressive, that's the question about our new regime, in light of the conservative Clintonian Democrats with whom Obama's surrounding himself.

In Britain, that question's been answered by the Labor government's plan (see the Guardian's glance). It calls for massive government borrowing, but it's a progressive agenda where the citizenry are concerned.

Gordon Brown and his henchman Darling laid out an attack that includes a tax hike for the richest 1 percent of Britons and a higher tax on gasoline. Plus an order to banks to delay foreclosures. Plus more help to homeowners in making mortgage payments. Plus an increase in child-care benefits. Plus £1.3 billion to help the unemployed. Plus a cut in the sales tax. Plus a vow to use government power to stop utilities from gouging their customers.

Plus higher taxes on such vices as national health insurance, alcohol, and tobacco (unfortunately, three things that are necessary for us to survive the onrushing Great '08 Depression). And this conscionable move, as the Washington Post's Kevin Sullivan reports in a story buried on page A8:

So far, we're talking about the opposite approach in Britain to the recession. Shoring up social services, a higher tax on the rich? Doesn't sound like corporate welfare to me. What's wrong with those people? What, is Sheila Bair running Britain's bailout?

The Labor government didn't announce its plan to a roomful of respectful reporters. Sitting only a few feet away from Darling and Brown, the Tories jeered them. (Don't you just love parliamentary democracy?)

More from the WashPost story:

Not much talk these days about who's at fault for this mess. (By the way, can we please put that old antisemitic canard about "international bankers" to rest? We didn't get into this mess because of them. The villains are Wall Street's bankers. Thank you.)

Now see this Oklahoman-American Jew's links to other news ...

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Washington Post: '$30 Billion Stimulus Announced In Britain: Plan Cuts Sales Tax, Boosts Borrowing for Major Public Projects'

Guardian (U.K.): 'Team Obama promises huge jolt to economy'

Wall Street Journal: 'Big Players Scale Back Charitable Donations'
"As the recession deepens, the future of charities that depend on corporate donations is becoming more uncertain."

N.Y. Post: 'It's About Time! Paulson Finally Makes Move to Help Consumers'

New Yorker: 'Thinking Big: The promise of universal health care' (Steve Coll)

Guardian (U.K.): 'US intelligence "kept files on Tony Blair's private life", claims ex-US navy operator'

Wall Street Journal: 'Chrysler Workers Fret Buyout Deadline'
"Chrysler workers are torn between accepting a buyout now or hoping to survive involuntary separations expected at year's end."

N.Y. Times: 'Economic Slump May Limit Moves on Clean Energy'
"A poor global economy and plunging prices for coal and oil are upending plans to curb the use of fossil fuels."

N.Y. Daily News: 'Cops nab man who drove 3,000 miles to shoot wife in church'

N.Y. Times: 'Saving Citi May Create More Fear'
"The government's bailout of Citigroup could lead other banks to take bigger risks."

Irish Times: 'Democratic triumph heralds realignment in US politics'

N.Y. Times: 'For Lobbyists, No Downturn, Just a Turnover'
"Republican lobbyists are feeling the demand for their services plummet as Democrats ascend in Washington."

N.Y. Daily News: 'Teacher and her pet'
"A Queens teacher, 37, fired for bedding a 17-year-old male model is suing to win back her job. He was no student, she says."

Will Barack Obama really hire Hillary Clinton to take dictation? Is he that into tragedy?

The view at Foggy Bottom is still murky. But it always has been. The low-lying D.C. neighborhood first earned that moniker because of fog and industrial smoke. Then the high-lying State Department HQ moved in, and the nickname gained even more credibility.

So just imagine Hillary Clinton ensconced in Foggy Bottom. She'll never be in Obama's inner circle, and she'll always be a pretender to his throne, so why should he name her and give her control of a huge part of the national machinery? She and her staff would be nothing if not passive-aggressive in their dealings with Obama's crew. Why would he want more smoke blown at him from Foggy Bottom?

Internal dissent is one thing. As a lifelong practitioner, I'm all for it. But it's something else altogether to hire a supremely self-aggrandizing pol who constantly works to undercut your authority and is your chief rival in the party and who would try to impose her own agenda — just for the sake of its not being yours, that it would be hers. You've worked with people like that, haven't you? That wouldn't seem to be the kind of drama that Obama desires.

He doesn't strike me as a King Lear. So why would he want to hire the wife of our former King Leer?

Maybe it's all a charade by him and his crew to allow her to save face — she'll finally say thanks for the gracious "offer" but her country needs her more in the Senate or some such B.S. like that.

Or maybe it's Hillary's crew that keeps spreading the word that she's in line for the job, and Obama's crew has shrewdly decided to just let them keep doing it if that's what it takes for Hillary to save face and for the party to keep from fracturing.

Don't forget: The country is officially in a recession, and an increasingly poorer and more fed-up populace already spells trouble for the Democrats for the mid-term elections in 2010. Even Jesus couldn't pull us out of this economic disaster by then, so you know that Congressional Democrats are already nervous about their new "mandate" for "change."

In any case, the newest immigrant to D.C. is both more intriguing than Clinton and less full of intrigue — at least from Obama's perspective. She's Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano, who's lined up to be the Homeland Security chief.

Janet be nimble. Check out the quick take on her in Phoenix New Times, which gave her a "Best Politician" award in 2006:

Seems like a shrewd move by the Obama team: A female governor from a border state where immigration is a hot issue is now in charge of protecting the nation from terror.

And it could be a lot worse. Maybe a Republican would have chosen her exact opposite, the cartoonish Phoenix-based sheriff Joe Arpaio, for the job. For those who don't know, Arpaio is the notoriously hardline, publicity-grabbing Maricopa County lawman who runs what he proudly proclaims as the toughest jail system in the country. Being cruel to Mexicans and other people of color comes naturally to him.

In real life, Arpaio is a cross between Deputy Dawg and Barney Fife, without either of those characters' loveability. Arpaio was nothing but an ex-DEA-flunky crank when he used to pester reporters in Phoenix in the '80s — before Arizonans mystifyingly gave him a gun.

Remember Bernie Kerik, who had his five minutes in the D.C. sun as George W. Bush's putative Homeland Security czar? Joe Arpaio makes Bernie Kerik seem like Dwight D. Eisenhower.

As far as we know, controversy is not Janet Napolitano's middle name.

Judging by the way she skirts around things, she won't make waves. She's even more colorless than Tom Ridge, and she'll carry out whatever task Rahm Emanuel gives her.

Here's your task: Click on these . . .

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

N.Y. Post: 'TRAGIC FIRE AT PET SHOP'

N.Y. Daily News: 'Dog takes car for run and crashes into L.I. shop'

N.Y. Times: 'After Losses, Pensions Ask For a Change'
"Some of the nation’s biggest companies want Congress to roll back rules requiring them to put more money into pension funds."

N.Y. Daily News: 'Team Obama thinks Hillary Clinton's people to blame for State speculation'

Register (U.K.): 'Google tells the world how to talk: Received Pronunciation not received, Scots scotched'

N.Y. Times: 'Teenagers’ Internet Socializing Not a Bad Thing'

L.A. Times: 'Antiwar groups fear Barack Obama may create hawkish Cabinet'

Register (U.K.): 'German bawdy house offers free entry for life: Willing punters queue for promotional brothel tattoo'

Washington Post: 'Stocks Slump As Signs Point To Harder Times: Key Indicators Suggest Deep Recession'

MarketWatch: 'Saudi Prince boosting Citi stake to 5 Percent'

Bloomberg: 'Alwaleed Buys Citigroup Stock as Loss Exceeds Buffett'

Washington Post: 'Auto Execs Fly Corporate Jets to D.C., Tin Cups in Hand' (Dana Milbank)

N.Y. Daily News: 'Fine to quadruple amputee — in days'
"She went to an ER suffering from what she thought was just a kidney stone, but a medical nightmare left her a quadruple amputee. Tabitha Mullings claims doctors failed to diagnose an infection that has literally eaten her alive."

N.Y. Times: 'New York Police Fight With U.S. on Surveillance'

N.Y. Times: 'Web Sites Wage Holiday Price Wars'

Washington Post: 'Let the Guy Smoke: Obama Is Probably Fibbing About Giving Up Cigarettes. That's Okay.' (Michael Kinsley)

Register (U.K.): 'Homework late? Blame Russian hackers: Teachers wise up to tech-based yarns'

N.Y. Times: 'Discussions With Clintons as Obama Creates Team'

L.A. Times: 'L.A. councilman seeks to protect celebrities from paparazzi'

L.A. Times: 'Prop. 8 gay marriage ban goes to Calif. Supreme Court'

L.A. Times: 'World grapples with pirate problem'

Register (U.K.): 'Filesharing ambulance chasers get into the gay smut racket'