From The Crap Archives: Finger Plays for Little Folk

Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.

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Finger Plays For Little Folk Author: Janet Jackson
Publisher: David C. Cook Publishing Company, Elgin, Illinois
Date: None Listed
Discovered at: Thrift Store
The Cover Promises: Four of fish and finger pie.

Cute as its cover might seem, Janet Jackson (!) and David Cook's (!!) Finger Plays For Little Folk is exactly the kind of secular humanist abomination that librarians in the real American toss on the trash heap along with Huckleberry Finn, Heather Has Two Mommies, and the New York Times. It's a Trojan Horse of godlessness, sneaking obscene material into that most wholesome of children's past-times: finger play.

Here, Ms. Jackson urges our little folks to commit the vilest of blasphemies while in a state of grace:

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Worse still is "Talking With God," which encourages children to blame their mothers, in prayer, for their own sexual confusion.

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At is vilest, Finger Plays for Little Folks would make even the smut-peddlers at People or the Saturday Evening Post blanch. In the unspeakable final gesture below, it dares the culture's greatest taboo. Clearly, in a Finger Plays household, no words chill deeper than "Time for Bed."

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