Say you're a famous New York Yankee pitcher, pulled over for suspected DWI in fucking Nebraska
. While it helps that you're actually from
Nebraska, you haven't been around much in recent years, and maybe the troopers will think you've gotten a little big for your britches and may decide you were so drunk that you fell down a flight of stairs despite their best efforts... so you play the native son
: you joke with the cornhuskers about how people in New York don't believe in "opening a door and saying please and thank you." Maybe you know it's bullshit; maybe you have no idea, having been insulated from anyone but teammates and groupies since you got here. Doesn't matter, that shit always goes down a treat with the locals. And if you can tell them that in real life Yogi's really short, so much the better. Yogi will understand
. Sign some autographs, and maybe the troopers will even smoke you up later. As for the charges, like you, they're in the bag, bro
. When you come back for the alcohol education classes, don't forget to say hi to the guys at the barracks!