Latest Christian Child Molester's Top 7 Excuses
It's possible Ovalle will just admit he screwed up, but since he's both a Christian and in show business, we expect him to come up with a much better explanation than those which occur to the guys on To Catch a Predator. Below are the seven excuses we think best suit his poisition:
2. He just wanted to wish her a happy Quinceañera. You anglos might not know it, but in his country the studded strap-on is symbol of prosperity.
3. Cultural differences -- 15 is considered the legal age of consent among Christian voiceover artists.
4. It was an April Fool's Day stunt gone horribly late.
5. The "various sex acts" he discussed with her were poetic metaphors for the love of Christ from a radical new translation of the Song of Solomon.
6. Oh yeah well Roman Polanski had sex with a 13-year-old plus he drugged her. What answer do you have for that, heathens?
7. God told him to.