Cheek, in Review: 7 Days of Runnin' Scared

We suspect Obama got that Iranian-American reporter released, and he's certainly trying to help refugees and rescue us from financial criminals. But does he get credit? No -- because he he laughed at Wanda Sykes, just like all the newly-reclassified Democrat Socialists.

We were nice to Kirsten Gillibrand, because her friends were mean to her, and she tried to get the Xanax and hormones out of our drinking water.

Her colleague Chuck Schumer got called "That Jew," which we assume was a tribute to Marlo Thomas.

It was the usual hard luck for Governor Paterson, with a new SNL spoof and more rotten polls. At least he got his gay marriage bill through the assembly.

Meanwhile our real governor Andrew Cuomo indicted another placement agent and got $20 million from the Carlyle Group (not a campaign contribution).

Mayor Bloomberg found new sources of income for the city, charging the homeless to stay in shelters and raising the water rate. He heroically avoided another 4/27. He showed obvious contempt for a nannying playground-sign bill, but was more respectful of a bill offering teen prisoners some protections. He recruited a banker to run NYCHA and took questions from lawyers about his firm. He bet on lacrosse but it's okay because it's not his game.

And of course we learned about another of his shady aides.

State senator Kevin Parker beat up a photog. That John Lennon thing opened at the Rock Hall Annex, with attendant hoopla. The Yankees auctioned off their crap, including the dirt (cheap? Ha!), and hosted Hillary; the Mets got a streaker (and the Voice was there!). David Yassky went in for the "transparency" racket. It looks like hate crime came back to Christopher Street. A tax pissed off gamers.

The Atlantic Yards project won in court, but is losing in reality.

One health commissioner is going to Washington; the other may be is going to prison.

A Times economic reporter invested unwisely.

Somebody Got Murdered: at St. Mary's Street and Beekman Avenue in the Bronx (updated), and at Voorhies Avenue and East 18th Street, Brooklyn.

Ground Zero got ground down (and maybe a luxury hotel).

Bikers got busted. Carrie Prejean showed her tits but kept her crown. Jim Leyritz cried for help.

The MTA said, okay: $2.25.

Tom Golisano: Run It or Leave It!

Crap was choice: Today's American Democracy and the quintessence of crap, Beanie Babies!

Craigslist quit the online prostitution biz -- leaving the field to Twitter.

Judge Judy endorsed Leslie Crocker Snyder.

Staten Island had both smart crooks and dumb crooks, and pissed-off Penny Protesters planned to clog the Verrazano. The drug war ended, sort of.

R.I.P. Lesia Pupshaw, Marvin Renslow and Rebecca Lynn Shaw, and this week.

(P.S.: PANIC!)