Vanity Fair Intern's Cable News Ordeal Already Going Badly

We just checked in on Thomas Kaplan, the Vanity Fair intern forced to watch 32 straight hours of cable television news by that bastard Graydon Carter, at his video feed, and he does not appear to be doing well. His eye movement is sluggish and erratic, and he keeps scratching his face. He's only been at it for four hours. "I really could use another good warehouse fire to wake me up," he reports via his Twitter feed.

Kaplan has said the purpose of the experiment is "to determine (a) to what extent there really is a palpable difference in how the same straightforward news stories are presented on each of the four channels, and (b) whether, after watching a day's worth of any of these channels, I actually feel as if I am informed--or if I just have a headache." Why can't both propositions be true?

Kaplan is drinking Sprite, which suggests that he taking it easy on the caffeine, a smart move this early in the game.

Update: Kaplan tweets in response, "I OBJECT. I AM NOT CRACKING! I AM STRONG!"