Cheek, in Review: 7 Days of Runnin' Scared

The week was hot as hell -- which, a quick scan of our stories reveals, is an apt comparison.

In a tribute to democracy, people with guns started following around President Obama. Busybodies were all over Michelle Obama's butt. Old people continued to bitch at the town halls, which we attributed to fear of younger hipster geezers.

Mayor Bloomberg had a good week, starting with an alternately flattering and mischievous New Yorker profile. He broke ground on the East Side Waterfront project. The Times questioned Bill Thompson's pension investments. The Mayor felt buoyant enough to offer a campaign finance reform proposal as an inside joke, and to reveal himself a tap beer and house red man. True, Wayne Barrett made something of Bloomberg's boycott of a Deutsche Bank fire victims service, and the Times questioned lobbyist Claire Shulman's alleged non-lobbying on behalf of the city. But when you're Mike Bloomberg, every week's a good week.

Up in Albany, Tom Golisano bragged on the state senate coup he helped make. A poll showed the voters were embarrassed by it, though, and eager to make a clean sweep. Why shouldn't they be? Legislators are double-dipping, Pedro Espada Jr. got half a million for payroll, and we don't even have a Lieutenant Governor thanks to activist judges!

Local races heated up! A little. The three would-be D.A.'s of Manhattan are all flush with cash and have lots of gay support, but Cy Vance has the Times and Martha's Vineyard. Council candidate Delia Hunley-Adossa accused a Times blogger of biased karaoke. Wayne Barrett dug into the credentials of council contender Pete Gleason. Another council candidate, George Smith, turns out to be an ex-con. Assembly candidate Farouk Samaroo sued to stop a special election. Melinda Katz shocked us with her strong polling. Mario Cuomo endorsed Bill de Blasio, mostly because he's running against Mark Green.

But Christine Quinn ain't sweating -- Elizabeth Dwoskin found she's got council staffers working the streets for her campaign!

Somebody Got Murdered: at Atkins Avenue (arrest made), Lenox Road, 76th Street and 15th Avenue, and in the Rockaways in Brooklyn, and at Second Avenue and 101st Street in Manhattan.

Celebrity nudes were a disappointment, and subway nudes were too small, so we ogled some nude soldiers' wives.

Craptacular: "But And If Thou Marry."

That model won the right to know what blogger called her a skank -- and when she did, boy, did she make the most of it. Last week's subway stroker got a more larcenous copycat. In Staten Island a man beat a chihuahua to death. Doctors treated junkies with heroin, reported high patient satisfaction.

In Sports, Neil deMause saw what they're making of the old Yankee Stadium (a mess). Allen Barra said Mark Teixeira is all that, but Brett Favre isn't. David Wright got conked in the head. Plaxico Burress signed a two-year contract with the Department of Corrections.

Rightbloggers saw in Bob Dylan a rebuke to Henry Louis Gates. But Dylan's like that -- you can read anything into his work.

Scientologists continued to amuse, as the subject of a debunking lecture

The trees came after us again.

The 1 train was screwed. Swine flu made a comeback; experts counseled a video game. Greenpoint moped gang The Orphan kicked ass on the web. Robert Simels went away for extreme jury fixing. Rend Smith caught a cop ripping off HPD.

The good news: For a change, the rich got poorer.

R.I.P. Jose-Luis Olivares, Henry Siebor, John Cedeno, Bob Novak, and this week.