Cheek, in Review: 7 Days of Runnin' Scared

The sweet release of death is a week closer. In the afterlife we can forget all about Kanye and all these ridiculous (but highly amusing) tributes.

New York had a big Primary Day -- or, judging by turnout, a dinky one. Our hero Tony Avella went down to defeat. The heavily funded Manhattan D.A.'s race saw a victory for the old boy's network. Leslie Crocker Snyder will now work the hustings in China. The comptroller's race went to a runoff (David Yassky's in, and gave credit to the New York Times; Aaron Howell had other ideas) -- and so did the public advocate's race, though Norman Siegel won't be in it. (Mark Green will, but it doesn't look good for him.) When the smoke cleared Debi Rose was triumphant! Wayne Barrett saw trouble in the results for Christine Quinn and white people.

Like Mayor Bloomberg could care! Joyce Purnick's book can't stop him. 10.3 percent unemployment can't stop him. He'll ban smoking outdoors while Andrea Peyser cackles with glee. With Matt Damon's help he will rule forever!

Rudolph Giuliani was rumored to be eyeing a Senate run; no way, said his former gay roommate. Hiram Monserrate waived his right to be judged by a jury of his peers. John McHugh finally became Secretary of the Army, unleashing another special election.

On top of everything else it was Fashion Week, and our staff took in L.A.M.B., Rachel Comey, Vena Cava, Carlos Miele, Jill Stuart, Tracy Reese, Erin Fetherston, Band of Outsiders; United Bamboo, Zero + Maria Cornejo, Charlotte Ronson, Derek Lam, Michael Kors, Anna Sui, Pamella Roland, Max Azria, Betsey Johnson, Isaac Mizrahi, Allude, Erin Wasson x RVCA, Threeasfour, Rodarte, and everything else that happened.

I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script Fever continued unabated with Harlan Ellison's dramatic reading (aka "I Have No Mouth, But I Sure Sound Like Harvey Fierstein").

In Mets news, Lenny Dykstra was seen selling his World Series ring. The Jets won their opener and Allen Barra told us why, and also where Derek Jeter ranks among Yankee MVP candidates (fifth). Jorge Posada got suspended.

No one puts Joe Wilson in a corner, if Rightbloggers have anything to say about it! And they did. Tea Party people complained about the public transit they want to defund. Camille Paglia revealed that the trutherism is still out there!

There was an alleged gang rape at Hofstra -- which turned out to be bogus. Presidents Obama and Clinton ate at a tourist trap. There were terror raids in Queens -- the prime suspect says he's just an innocent shuttle-driver, but questions remain! Raymond Clark was released, then arrested and arraigned, in the Annie Le case. The Astor trial wound down with blood and thunder.

The Crap Archives added a juicy one: John Lennon in Heaven.

Horse virus trumped swine flu. Geraldine Ferraro got a post office. Ernie Anastos told a chicken joke! Robert De Niro wants to bring back the old East Village, on TV.

R.I.P. Jim Carroll, Patrick Swayze, James McDonald, Henry Gibson, Mary Travers and this week. (As for next week, we'll have an exciting cast of guests filling in for The Proprietor, who is off to the Amy Winehouse memorial suite: there'll be the Crazy Yankee Chick, weekend warrior Julia, and other people who know what they're doing, which will be a refreshing change of pace for all of us. So luck, suckers!)