Harlan Ellison's Dramatic Reading of the Seussified "I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script"

HarlanJosh2.jpg
Ellison and Olson: Not in a reading mood.

Several of our commenters have struck on the Dr. Seuss-like cadence of Josh Olson's popular manifesto, "I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script."

One of the first to point it out was Steve Jarrett, a writer and teacher in Winston-Salem who sent Olson the following parody. Olson asked his friend, legendary writer Harlan Ellison, to give it life.

I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script
By Steve Jarrett
Inspired by an essay by Josh Olson
With apologies to Theodore Geisel...


I will not read your fucking script
I will not read it in a car
I will not read it in a bar
I will not have it in my house
I will not click it with my mouse
I will not read it here or there
I will not read it anywhere
I'd rather be tied up and whipped
Than have to read your fucking script

I will not read your fucking script
I will not read its exposition
I will not read its scene transitions
I will not read its dialogue
I will not read its epilogue
I'll leave its pages quite unflipped
I will not read your fucking script

I will not read your fucking script
I won't discuss its plot reversals
I won't attend its cast rehearsals
I won't discuss its complication
I won't discuss its adumbrations
I won't discuss its camera angles
Its syntax I won't disentangle
I won't critique its denouement
Nor its hero's tragic flaw
My lips remain securely zipped
I will not read your fucking script

I will not read your fucking script
I will not read it as a lark
I will not read it in the dark
I will not read it on a drunk
I will not read it in a funk
I will not read it on a dare
I will not read it for a scare
Until they lay me in my crypt
I will not read your fucking script



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