Chase Posts $3.59 Billion Profit, Thanks Public for Bailout (Updated: Thanks Not Confirmed)

JPMorgan Chase made a killing last quarter and, as they admitted they would do last year, used their $25 billion in bailout funds to buy other companies like Washington Mutual and move shit around rather than make Bailey Savings & Loan-type investments in little guys like you. Those little-guy loans and credit card debts are a net loss for the megabank, but the big deals have paid off handsomely: Last year at this time Chase's profit statement was $527 million; now it's $3.59 billion. Revenue is up 81 percent to $26.62 billion.

Don't expect any of these breaks to trickle down to you: Chase CEO Jamie Dimon says the cost of credit will remain high "for the foreseeable future".

Our own finance guru Ward Harkavy points out, Chase stands to gain even more as the American taxpayer funds the toxic asset cleanup, of which the bank is one of the beneficiaries. "Leveraged-buyout firms, like Steve Schwarzman's Blackstone," he adds, "are already flipping with joy; now that the government has printed enough money to prop up the market, they're pouring their own hoarded money into deals."