Cheek, in Review: 7 Days of Runnin' Scared

parismonkey.jpg
Twitpic by Paris Hilton. "Bentley was so cute last night. Carnival is such a fun place to go. A must see place when you go to New York." What? Oh.

The week started with rightbloggers cheering President Obama's for losing the Olympics and ends with them booing him for winning the Nobel Peace Prize. In between, some lowlights:

Mayor Bloomberg has only an eight-point lead in the polls and Bill Thompson's campaigning hard, but the Mayor's not sweating. He can always get his landslide with out-of-town gun investigations -- especially when the rubes haul out the "New Yorkers are gangsters who talk with their hands" defense -- and out-of-town endorsements.

Governor Paterson called for half a billion in cuts; his heir presumptive Andrew Cuomo took down Ray Harding. Lynn Nunes conceded to Thomas White 21 days after the election. Steve Thrasher found Kirsten Gillibrand not as right-wing as advertised. Charlie Rangel got a wider probe (ouch!).

The frozen head of Ted Williams -- or, rather, its keepers -- spoke.

The Senate still hasn't extended those unemployment benefits. But the FBI is all over Twitter anarchists. Anthony Weiner called Betsy McCaughey a pyromaniac; Rupert Murdoch called news aggregators kleptomaniacs.

Somebody Got Murdered at 153rd Street, East 169th Street, and Dyer Avenue in The Bronx, Springfield and Linden and 205th Street in Queens, East 75th Street in Manhattan, and 61st Street and Seventh Avenue in Brooklyn.

As the Mets slinked off to the golf course, the Yankees prepped for the post-season, making Crazy Yankee Chick giddy with anticipation, then ecstatic with their first PS victory, while the Tigers-Twins tiebreaker blew her mind and brought Dag Hammarskjold to Ron Darling's. Allen Barra asked: Are the Giants best in the NFC? Neil deMause asked: whither the Islanders? (Kansas City? Phoenix?)

One for the Studies in Crap hall of fame: a men's-rights novel. "Where I sexually fulfill my manhood is your choice. That I will fulfill it is mine. If I am not fulfilling it with you, be sure that I will fulfill it." Can't wait for the movie.

The Voice helped convince Google to end a spoofing attack on a Scientology victim. An alleged Long Island firestarter may have had his confession invalidated. And the old man went down (figuratively this time) in the Astor trial.

Lettermania persisted with a stern rebuke from Andrea Peyser and revelations about Letterman and the World's Fattest Cat.

Did Bill Ayers write Dreams of my Father? No. But don't stop digging, comrades!

Cops held one kid, then another, in the shooting of a 13-year-old; the second one has been arrested. Also arrested: a suspect in this summer's South Street Seaport DJ slaying. Private equity firms rode Simmons mattresses till they squeaked. The good schools had the good snacks. Staten Island got another town brawl and DIY speed bumps. A hipster tried to rob a bank. New Yorkers watched NASA shoot the moon. And get ready for Phantom of the Cyclone!

Hamburger was proved poisonous; will hot dogs be next? (Also dangerous: holiday shopping and swine flu. But at least that 600-year-old oak tree in Queens will no longer be a menace to society.)

R.I.P. Irving Penn and this week.

My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest

Now Trending

New York Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...