Conservative Group Calls for Prayer Offensive Against Treasonous, Homosexual Leaders

Some conservatives have decided that calling their mortal enemies Hitler, or murdering them and writing the word "Fed" on their chests, may be a counterproductive way of achieving the abortion-free oligarchy our Founders envisioned. So, World magazine tells us, Liberty Counsel, an adjunct of Jerry Falwell's Liberty College best known for its efforts to litigate the Christ back into Christmas, announces Adopt a Liberal, a prayer campaign in which the godly will "adopt a liberal who is in authority for regular, intense prayer in accord with St. Paul's admonition to his disciple, Timothy." The program's emblem shows a red, white, and blue-sleeved arm grasping what appears to be an uncooperative man by the wrist...

In this Christian spirit they name Mike Bloomberg ("pro-abortion, pro-gun control, and pro-same-sex marriage"), Hillary Clinton ("advocated that homosexuals should be able to serve in the military without concealing their unnatural sexual preferences"), Barney Frank ("openly homosexual... 100% committed to their stated goal of suppressing religious expression in public life"), Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano ("mocked the building of a wall to protect the US-Mexico border"), and of course Barack Hitler Obama ("He calls himself a 'citizen of the world,' a term that reflects his support of a 'one world government'"), among others.

They also invite prayers for the "Unknown Liberal," whom readers may "feel free to select" from the traitor-American community at large and "adopt." So if you wake up in a car trunk somewhere in Alabama and faintly hear the Bible being read aloud, you'll at least know who you're dealing with.