Crazy Yankee Chick: Running Diary of Series Clincher
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEW YORK YANKEES ON SWEEPING THE AMERICAN LEAGUE DIVISION SERIES!
Instead of a straight recap, we're doing it running-diary style. Because years from now when I'm locked up and under observation for some new breed of manic psychosis, these entries will be invaluable to the attending physicians.
I used my black moleskin book to take notes on everything, and when I started transcribing this a few hours ago, I became acutely aware of the regressing legibility. While the first few innings of the game were comprised of neatly delineated observations, by the time the latter half of the game rolled around, my notes looked like the work of a malfunctioning polygraph needle.
Here we go...
Can't they put the white out on Jorge's nails more than 20 seconds before he's about to play?
As my dad would say, "What'd you do after you shaved today, Andy?"
Pettitte has 5:00 shadow. I'm fine with this if he pitches brilliantly. I will point to this in rage if he doesn't.
This strike zone is smaller than a Coney Island Name-on-a-Grain-of-Rice bendant. Pettitte just threw the same exact pitch twice, each with different calls. I guess the umps need an inning of calibration?
Off speed pitching killing us so far. A-Rod strikes out. "The bigger the hitter, the bigger the slider, the bigger the....uh, crowd noise." Thanks, TBS.
Pavano dealing. Shit. Also, Pavano was compared to Hideki in terms of post-injury recovery. I can't think of a more motivating factor for Hideki to take him deep.
Well, not that at-bat, I guess. Hideki down on strikes.
First booth error. Pavano won 18 games, not 20, in 2004.
Why didn't Colorado get a Dome? Tampa Bay and Minnesota get them, but not for the Rockies? I don't think any of 'em should have 'em. Weather is unpredictable. You can't plan for everything. Sack up, domed-stadiums cities.
Pavano's nose is about as overwhelming as CC's fat. Also, he definitely just rolled his eyes at Cano for taking too long to settle in the batter's box.
So the announcers are way too fascinated with the first-pitch stat. It's starting to sound like the Office episode when Dwight's like, "It's not fine. How many more people to get hurt before we stop and do something about it? One? Two? Three? Four? Wait, no, let me finish..Five? Six?...Seven?"
Swish takes his base. On a 2-2 count. Very promising. Way to have your head in the game. 4Ks already from Pavano tonight. Sweet Christ.
"And the first batter to whom Pavano's thrown ball 1." Good grief. Can we stop the running tally now?
INFIELD SINGLE! I CANT BELIEVE IM SO EXCITED ABOUT AN INFIELD HIT OFF CARL PAVANO. I WILL NOW CHEW OFF MY OWN TONGUE!
Jeter just swung at the first pitch before the camera even had time to cut to the batter's box. Settle the hell down, Yankees.
Weirdest stat ever. Something about being on base in every extra inning of a postseason game. First time that's happened since 1912. Is this...impressive? I don't get it.
We're just informed that Andy Pettitte is pitching on artificial turf for the first time in postseason career. I'm 100% shocked I haven't heard anything about Pettitte's worrisome lack of relevant playoff experience.
"He's thrown strike 1 to 9 of 10 hitters." My head is going to explode.