More Ideas to Ruin Your Halloween

By Roy Edroso Tue., Oct. 20 2009 at 4:34 PM

Categories: Featured, Holidays

The conspiracy to render Halloween miserable proceeds apace. For those of us who must politicize everything, including harmless children's holidays, Right Wing News provides "10 Horror Movies For Conservatives To Watch This Halloween." These include The Exorcism of Emily Rose ("treats Christian values respectfully"), Quarantine ("It's a timely and true message: Don't count on your government in a crisis"), and The Tripper ("If a conservative had made this movie, instead of David Arquette, liberals would be calling it a 'hate crime'"). And don't forget to give those kids teabags instead of candy...

There's no fun-spoiler like a medical fun-spoiler. The Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center warns grown-ups not to give trick-or-treaters anything containing "milk, egg, peanut, tree nut, fish, shellfish, soy, and wheat"; otherwise, potential food allergies might cause dizziness, cramps, swelling, "or even anaphylaxis, a severe allergic reaction, which could lead to death." They refer by-now-terrified readers to a list of "alternative treats" that can't kill children, such as "Origami paper & instructions," "Fancy erasers" and "Tiny decks of cards." (Maybe teabags aren't such a bad idea.)

Meanwhile bad costumes continue to compete for inclusion in our 10-Worst List. Today's favorite is the Bear Jew from Inglourious Basterds ("Just please make sure not to hit people with said bat"). Unless you live in a community of cineastes, you could end your All Hallow's Eve in preventive detention.

If you live in Canada, of course, everything's just that much worse.

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