Holiday Travel Twitter Tales

When New Yorkers travel beyond the local transit system -- which, during this festive holiday season, generally means to the airport -- we suddenly devolve into a world-weary Scrooges, darting through terminals and over tourists. Luckily Twitter, our ultimate venting venue, gives us beleaguered travelers a way to release our deficiency of holiday spirit on the rest of the Twitterverse.

We have culled a batch of Twitter tales made at and about the home of the Delta Terminal Riot of '09 and lost baggage/mechanical errors/no-Dunkin- Donuts zone: Our beloved JFK.

And by then we'll likely have a mandatory cavity search for every passenger, or at least a no underpants policy.

Carrier pigeon sneaks past JFK security with explosives, more than 3 oz. of shampoo.

You know the deal. Just find a luggage cart return and save up your quarters for Wolfgang Puck Express. You'll be fine.

Ah, racial profiling as airport pass time. Ken really is awesome.

Going "phishing"? Does that mean you're high? #spellingerrors #stonerlingo

Rejoice, they could be playing Bob Dylan.

Airport security will likely be called to quell angry, un-caffeinated crowds.

Extra bags will be transferred by resident carrier pigeons in JFK baggage claim.

A house cat carrying Danny Devito, glass or no glass, probably equals trouble. #AmericaFail

JFK sees rise in creepy old man flyers after new security measures are put into effect.