Rachel Uchitel Story Loses Sex, Gains 9/11, Outrage
In today's Post anti-confession, Uchitel impugns the authority of the National Enquirer source, unnamed there but identified elsewhere as Ashley Samson. They are not friends, Uchitel says; the alleged informant "got herself invited on a trip that I went on [to Europe]," where she "fell down the stairs at the restaurant because she was so wasted... I don't want people like that around me. In my business, I am around celebrities and very rich people all the time." Also, the tipster was given 3,000 Euros to "go upstairs" with a man who later complained that she "passed out from too many Quaaludes," says Uchitel. We are shocked by the woman's lack of professionalism, and the continued existence of Quaaludes.
Fortunately there is no shortage of deepthink from certified pundits, some quite outraged that the story exists. Conor Friedersdorf at the Daily Beast laments that when Magic Johnson was revealed to be HIV positive back in 1991, he was 12 and "hardly knew how to process" the information. (Also: "Basketball happens to be my favorite game.") Friedersdorf suggests reporters ignore the Woods story; "except in the most extreme circumstances," he says, "athletes shouldn't be treated as public figures when they are off the court, the field, or the course," which betrays a touching idealism. But "what I'd like," he adds, "is to hold athlete-entertainers to account as role models so long as they're on the job. Should Tiger Woods back his golf cart into a lake during a celebrity skins tournament, by all means let's investigate the story..." So if Woods is accused of screwing someone while he's playing golf, it's fair game, for both reporters and editors of the Guinness Book of World Records.
For most lofty coverage you can see the Chicago Sun-Times: "'Man-crazy' Uchitel: She denies Tiger affair, but associate says she had a 'flirt' reputation." We should hook up a generator to the corpse of Walter Cronkite while it is still intact, and harness the power of its spinning to meet our nation's growing energy needs.