NBC Confirms Conan Out, Jay Leno Expected to Return

Well, that's that. According to the terms of the contract, Conan gets $44 million and has to lay low for eight months, and then can go back to TV, unless he's wised up by then and taken our career advice. In the meantime, America's Sweetheart, Jay Leno, will take over The Tonight Show (insert random Kevin Eubanks music sting here). Those of you who find this no improvement (or something more like the news that the earwig that has burrowed through your brain has laid eggs) may enjoy the audio above of Bill Hicks describing Leno's eventual descent into madness and suicide. (Think about it: Bill Hicks is dead and Jay Leno is coming back to The Tonight Show. And you still think there's a God?)