Kevin Smith Is Too Fat To Fly Southwest Air

Hey @SouthwestAir! Look how fat I am on your plane! Quick! Throw me off!

Here in New York, the hot weight news is Kelly Osborne, who is not fat. In the rest of the country, it's director Kevin Smith (aka Silent Bob), who is. Smith boarded a Southwest Airlines flight in Oakland yesterday evening after speaking at the Macworld Expo in San Francisco, but the pilot had him removed from the flight as a "safety risk" because of his size.

Which is when he went to war with Southwest on Twitter.

Dear @SouthwestAir - I know I'm fat, but was Captain Leysath really justified in throwing me off a flight for which I was already seated?

Dear @SouthwestAir, I flew out in one seat, but right after issuing me a standby ticket, Oakland Southwest attendant Suzanne (wouldn't give

last name) told me Captain Leysath deemed me a "safety risk". Again: I'm way fat... But I'm not THERE just yet. But if I am, why wait til my

bag is up, and I'm seated WITH ARM RESTS DOWN. In front of a packed plane with a bunch of folks who'd already I.d.ed me as "Silent Bob."

So, @SouthwestAir, go fuck yourself. I broke no regulation, offered no "safety risk" (what, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?). I was about

wrongly ejected from the flight (even Suzanne eventually agreed). And fuck your apologetic $100 voucher, @SouthwestAir. Thank God I don't

embarrass easily (bless you, JERSEY GIRL training). But I don't sulk off either: so everyday, some new fuck-you Tweets for @SouthwestAir.

Wanna tell me I'm too wide for the sky? Totally cool. But fair warning, folks: IF YOU LOOK LIKE ME, YOU MAY BE EJECTED FROM @SOUTHWESTAIR.

According to Southwest, customers who don't fit in a single seat with the armrests down have to buy an extra ticket, and Smith had. Unfortunately, he wanted to get on an earlier flight than he was scheduled for, and they say there was nothing but single seats on that flight. He was allowed on a later flight.

Dear @SouthwestAir, I'm on another one of your planes, safely seated & buckled-in again, waiting to be dragged off in front of the normies.

And, hey? @SouthwestAir? I didn't even need a seat belt extender to buckle up. Somehow, that shit fit over my "safety concern"-creating gut.

Hey @SouthwestAir! Look how fat I am on your plane! Quick! Throw me off! http://twitpic.com/1340gw

Hey @SouthwestAir! Sometimes, the arm rests are up because THE PEOPLE SITTING THERE ALREADY PUT THEM UP; NOT BECAUSE THEY "CAN'T GO DOWN."

Eventually, Twitter god Neil Gaiman and his million and a half readers joined the party.

Southwest eventually responded on their blog, which was simultaneously hit by followers of Smith's and Gaiman's twitter feeds and slashdotted and may not be back up yet. The text, courtesy of a reader at Slashdot, is here.

Smith is recording a podcast about the whole thing, which should go up tonight.