EXCLUSIVE: Gilligan's Island Movie Details Revealed!

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The big screen treatment of Gilligan's Island -- yes, the old TV show starring Bob Denver about seven stranded castaways -- is in the works, and pop culture fans are already speculating on who should play what.

But we can do that one better. Our sources have slipped us some treatment and production notes (still redolent of cocaine, so we know they're authentic) that tell not only who's cast, but what they're going to do.

Backstory on Gilligan and The Skipper. Gilligan -- originally meant for Michael Cera, but shifted at the last minute to Zach Braff -- is at loose ends in San Diego, and in desperation joins the Coast Guard. There he meets Jonas Grumby (Jack Black), a Petty Officer who, like Sgt. Bilko, always has a scheme working. Gilligan constantly falls into the water and never rises above Seaman Recruit, but Grumby lives high off weed and gambling receipts extorted from local criminals. Gilligan admires the cool Grumby so greatly that when both INTERPOL and a drug dealer come after Grumby, he goes AWOL with him. Together Grumby, now incognito as The Skipper, and his "Li'l Bro" Gilligan move up the coast, running pleasure cruises.

The shipwreck. Naturally the whole thing is in 3-D, so this sequence is extended, with tidal waves, killer whales, and schools of friendly dolphins who have learned primitive English from a local rehabilitation facility and who nudge the Minnow to safety on an uncharted desert aisle.

The castaways. The Howells, Thurston (James Spader) and LuvE (Sarah Jessica Parker) are clueless nouveaux riches; LuvE has not worked since her days as a dancer in rap videos, and Thurston recently lost his job with a corrupt power company; this pleasure cruise was meant to rekindle their dying love. Megan Fox and Kristen Stewart were originally signed for Ginger and Mary Anne, but withdrew when they recovered from the sedatives, and were replaced by Katherine Heigl and Emma Watson (Ginger, in this version, comes from a small town in the English Midlands). In a knowing reversal of their original characterizations, movie star Ginger is more imperious and annoying than sexy, and Mary Anne is constantly getting naked and going, "Oops! Thought no one was about!" and enticing Gilligan with racy allusions to animal husbandry.

The Professor, in the boldest reimagining, is played by Tracy Morgan as a crooked would-be mogul who dabbles in mechanical engineering (which better explains his constant failure to fix the damn boat).

Plot. While everyone tries incompetently to get off the island -- big laughs as their attempt to connect with the mainland via a computer made from their damaged cell phones only manages to receive HGTV -- along the way they learn valuable lessons in life and love.

The Professor at first boldly tries to fuck all the ladies ("If I get with you, girl, we can blow off this island on a hydraulic jizz stream!") but eventually breaks down and confesses that his braggadocio is all due to his lack of a father.

The Skipper, who simultaneously realizes his own parental issues, bonds with The Professor over this, which leaves Gilligan feeling confused and abandoned until he and LuvE take a moonlight walk on the beach and discover that each of them is really alone in a world they never made. "Thurston can give me wads of cash," she declares, "but here that's only good for improvised tampons." "Yeah I kinda know what you mean," says Gilligan. "I feel like an improvised tampon myself."

Thurston, meanwhile, is forced by his lack of resources to use his charm and wits to woo Ginger and Mary Ann, and realizes he lacks both. He resolves, once her gets back home, to go back to school and take Humanities classes. Ginger and Mary Ann, frustrated, have sex with each other.

Gilligan repeatedly tries to get the dolphins to fetch help, but they're angry about global warming and at first refuse; after several discussions, Gilligan gets Thurston to apologize to them formally for his former company's rampant pollution. The dolphins teach the castaways to make a raft and, humbled by their experiences into competence and bravery, they get back to California.

After their parade, Gilligan and The Skipper are picked up by Coast Guard Special Agents, thus offering an opportunity for a sequel, Gilligan's Brig: Back to the Island.

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56 comments
Michael_68
Michael_68

They need to use the same people they used in "Surviving Gilligans Island" to play these parts, they were so much like them

Pinkchick2526
Pinkchick2526

This sounds like the stupidest movie ever...i hope this article is 100% wrong cause i would love to see a real Gilligan movie

Harry Kuntz
Harry Kuntz

That's some funny ass shit! I really can't believe that 95% of you thought this was real ? Geez... Get a life!

Jimbo_bds
Jimbo_bds

Gilligan's Island being turned into a sex filled drug induced coma......WTF?

Blaise Mathai
Blaise Mathai

I think this movie is going to be funny in a way, but most definitely shitty. Though I will probably enjoy it, I will probably comment on how bad it was. I will see it. I love the original show, and this might be fun to watch. But nothing to get serious about.

Clifford
Clifford

This entire article was a joke/farce. I know this is a year later, but I just wanted to post that to calm everyone down, since no one else did. 

As for the show, it was canceled after 3 seasons for a reason, lets not make it out to be the most amazing show ever created. Nostalgia, I understand and feel too and the executive producer from the actual show is involved in making this movie, so I am sure it will stay closer to the original although it will be updated for more modern times. 

For people who have a problem with a black person being cast, get over it. Yes there were no black castaways in the original, but that was because it was made in the 60's. It is not about "being PC" it is about adding diversity so that you can have multiple audiences relate. As white people, we are not the only ones who have money and watch movies you know.  If you think that a persons color will make you not enjoy the movie, then you have more issues than missing a remake. Good luck with that. 

Jayshuh
Jayshuh

This new version will be good for people who have always dreamed of Mary Ann and Ginger getting it on together, but that's about it ! This will be a big tank, but who really cares anymore.. As for the creator - he could care less about this 60's show, he's on the way out and with pockets full of money from the copyrights he sold out on.

No
No

This movie is evil!!!!! Close down "hollow"wood! I'm done with movies if this gets made!

Katie
Katie

There is no way, absolutely NO WAY I will EVER see this movie. I loved Gilligan's Island and if Hollywood does this to it, I will be LIVID!! How dare they destroy such a wonderful, clean TV show!

Temporarysolution_mc
Temporarysolution_mc

TThis cast is awful... sack braff over Michael Cera? And Sarah j parker. Fuck this film

Smokey McPot
Smokey McPot

if this is what the movie is coming to i am very dissapointed it totally destroys everything that i loved about the show and destroys what the show was please i hope to god that this post is a hoax

Luther Guin
Luther Guin

I may have gone to see this movie if I hadn't read how they really fucked the whole story line up.

jason
jason

I know it is true that a new Gilligan's Island movie, but I hope this page is a fucking joke. Skipper a drug dealer? Mrs. Howell in a rap video? What the fuck is this shit? Keep it like it was in the 60's. You will ruin it. TBS did already with there reality virsion of Gilligan's Island and we know a movie will push off into a sitcom, so lets do this right.

Jesse
Jesse

Please don't do this to Gilligan's Island. NO SALE.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Could we pay them NOT to make this movie? I'm down for $20

Damon
Damon

God, don;t screw this movie up, please! Stay closer to the original. They were also trying to make a Dallas movie but wanted to change it to a comedy. Really, Dallas, a comedy? Now they are screwing with G.I.. Wasn't the bomb o Dukes of Hazard and Starky and Hutch enough for you. Now you have to make a bomb of G.I.? I will not go see this.

Krissy Smith
Krissy Smith

Thank you!!!!!!!! At least I know now that I am not alone in my opnionion on how this movie is about and how it should stay true to the classic!!!

Anonymous
Anonymous

How dare the people who is making this movie like this!!!!!! What was wrong with the way the original show that they have to go with this version of events????? Why do you want to make the movie this way is their some kind of copyright law out there that leaves you all no choice but to make this version so trashy compared to the origianl???? When I first heard about a Gillian movie going to come out I was hopefull that the creative people in Hollywood would stay true to the orignial version of the characters. But now that I have read this site's report of the movie, I can see that there is going to be another trashy comeical version of the beloved t.v. show (that most people in one part of thier lives have grown up with) is now going to be like other popular t.v. shows (other than Bewicth)are going to be morally corrupted toward the characers and teach the younger generations what is appropriate way to behave. Even though I do not fully know what the lessons would really be like, but I hope that people will know what should not be revised with so much unfaithfullness to the original.

ybmad
ybmad

ummmmm whats up with the casting? theres got to be better. this movie is gonna be a flop.

IceMetalPunk
IceMetalPunk

I love reimiaginings, but only if they're advertised as such. Calling this "Gilligan's Island" creates too many associations with the original, and it won't do well like that.

Basically, I like the idea, but the marketing team on this project have a lot of work ahead of them.

-IMP ;) :)

Michael
Michael

Don't do this , that's all I'm going to sayjust " Dont Do This ? "

Curt
Curt

THIS IS GOING TO BE A TOTAL FUCKING FLOP! Save yourself some money and dont even bother making it if thats how you're going to make it . Making the skipper a drug addict , WTF how fucking stupid are you people in hollywood?? This shows a classic and you shit bricks are going to kill it.

Anonymous
Anonymous

I would NOT pay money to see a classic ruined! It's disgusting!

Marty1234
Marty1234

Barney frank for gilligan and Harvey Weinstein for the skipper...

sunil satpathy
sunil satpathy

I agree with all of the above. This sound horrible....

stuart
stuart

Tracy Morgan, I dont think so...there goes the studio's, trying to make everything politcaly correct again...

shane
shane

I agree with all of the above. This sound horrible. You might as well just have made it in to a porn movie. I loved G.I. but this sounds like it is going to suck.

Michael K Walker
Michael K Walker

"He resolves, once her gets back home, to go back to school and take Humanities classes.""her"? Too bad your software doesn't have a grammar check...).I'll go, but I won't take my Grandkids LMAO!Still, Dawn Wells will ALWAYS be MY MaryAnn...When Bob Denver died I felt like I lost family, to that end I wrote something for him that his widow, Dreama Denver, posted to a site dedicated to Bobs first television character "Maynard G Krebs" (the "G" stands for "Walter" - named after his Aunt!).After 5 years that poem is still posted - the submit button was removed long ago...You can find that at Maynards Coffehouse under the really bad poetry section http://bobdenver.com/Maynard_s... you just have to click on the award ribbon at the bottom off the page.I'm looking forward to the twists, the actors and the intended plot looks hilarious!

Michael K Walker
Michael K Walker

"He resolves, once her gets back home, to go back to school and take Humanities classes.""her"? Too bad your software doesn't have a grammar check...).I'll go, but I won't take my Grandkids LMAO!Still, Dawn Wells will ALWAYS be MY MaryAnn...When Bob Denver died I felt like I lost family, to that end I wrote something for him that his widow, Dreama Denver, posted to a site dedicated to Bobs first television character "Maynard G Krebs" (the "G" stands for "Walter" - named after his Aunt!).After 5 years that poem is still posted - the submit button was removed long ago...You can find that at Maynards Coffehouse under the really bad poetry section http://bobdenver.com/Maynard_s... you just have to click on the award ribbon at the bottom off the page.I'm looking forward to the twists, the actors and the intended plot looks hilarious!

William Jay Belyou
William Jay Belyou

This is a perfect example of how Hollywood has become a sewer of degading,stinking,filth. America should stand up against this film. God help this county if this film ever gets out. You haven't hert my love for Gilligans Island, for I know what was real. This is Satans version of it. Why don't you call it Devils Island! Hope I don't get nightmares. Pray for America, if you think I'm right!

Vernia Hoefer
Vernia Hoefer

There may consistently be somebody doing things solely for the great shock worth of it. Lovely women Gaga claimed she didn�t like to be rude to vegans and that she was not a joint of food.....in reality what was the woman's concept?....what will we now have worked out in the statement this lady was attempting to make? I will have to say..not much. All we don�t forget is the "meat" costume. Ask ourselves the span of time she stays up nights thinking up stunts to keep us speaking about her.

Anonymous
Anonymous

No way. This can not be real.

Gilligan
Gilligan

This is terrible. I can NOT believe they're going to do this. And a black professor?? Come on! That would have been like re-doing the Brady Bunch with a black Jan. This is going to be the worst movie disaster ever. Gilligan's Island was what it was, it's a classic, and it's a shame they're going to screw it up like this. This sounds like all involved are only looking to make a few bucks by screwing up the original show. I think all of America should boycott this movie. DON'T GO SEE IT!

IF they're going to re-make GI, then do it right.

Shana
Shana

If this is for real, it's gonna be f-ing AMAZING!!!

Don Brand
Don Brand

They should have done "Gilligan's Island" movie more like they done "The Brady Bunch" - you know more like the 60's but thrown in a little bit of today society. I thought that Brady Bunch Movie was funny because they really took them off, so Gilligan's Island should be the same. Come to think off it, 'Lost in Space' would have been better if they have done it like original.

Sang Black Tee Shirts Men
Sang Black Tee Shirts Men

When you walk into the store this will probably be the first thing you notice, and you might not know just where to begin. You will probably be able to choose from the following models made by several different brands.

another anynonomus
another anynonomus

I would like to say that the plot outline here is too stupid to fly. But after what Hollywood did to flintstones, beverly hillbillies, and others, this plot line seems on par.

Hollywood, I hope you are reading this. THIS WILL BE VIEWED AS A KIDS MOVIE. Sex and Tampon jokes will work as much as Japanese whale meat at a Sea Shepard convention. I noticed that the only line from the script that was printed here was the tampon line. I hope this wasn't because the writers thought this was an inspiring line.

lee barrett
lee barrett

WTF, just leave it the way the classic is if they're going to muck it up like this.Find actors that are funny and remake it with some class. Go into what put them all on the boat together to begin with and go into a little bit of the characters background. make sure the newbes look and act like the classic cast. Jim Parson's as Gilligan.Eric Allan Kramer as the skipperSimon Baker would be a great Professor. Terly Rotherly is perfect as Mary Ann,Kristen Dalton as GingerSteve Vinovich as Mr. HowellE.J. Peaker as Lovey HowellJust my take on the whole thing. I'm sure hollywood will want bigger names, bigger pay checks and crappy script.

Harry
Harry

Stupid Hollywood. Schwartz should keep GI more to the original. I know updating may be needed for 2010- but they, as usual, love to politicize and propagandize for liberal and far left causes to "fundamentally transform America" (an Obamaism) in their own image and agenda- lesbian love, global warming (PLEASE read the non-liberal side on this one! With or without global warming existing, the liberal agenda goes way too far, and way too expensive in several ways- read "Power Grab" by Christopher C. Horner, as one source on the enviro-agenda), Mary Anne being a dirty flirty, etc.Hollywood elite scabs.

Harry
Harry

Stupid Hollywood. Schwartz should keep GI more to the original. I know updating may be needed for 2010- but they, as usual, love to politicize and propagandize for liberal and far left causes to "fundamentally transform America" (an Obamaism) in their own image and agenda- lesbian love, global warming (PLEASE read the non-liberal side on this one! With or without global warming existing, the liberal agenda goes way too far, and way too expensive in several ways- read "Power Grab" by Christopher C. Horner, as one source on the enviro-agenda), Mary Anne being a dirty flirty, etc.Hollywood elite scabs.

lucy
lucy

zach braff? has he ever been funny? bill hader would be perfect for gilligan.

lucy
lucy

zach braff? has he ever been funny? bill hader would be perfect for gilligan.

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