Glenn Beck, Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh Eat the News

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Looking for news on the internet? Why bother, when it's all on TV and radio? We aren't talking about TV news or radio news shows, but news generated by TV and radio buffoons and sometimes their guests.

Foster Kamer told you earlier about Rush Limbaugh's generous offer today to leave the country if a health care plan is passed. Glenn Beck is now the center square, as his interview with Eric Massa shakes the foundations of our republic.

"I should not have allowed myself to become so familiar with my staff," Massa told Beck as a breathless nation watched. As to allegations that he inappropriately touched male staffers, Massa cleared the air on at least one incident: "I tickled him until he couldn't breathe." But there was nothing sexual in it. Rick Klein asks, "Will Eric Massa Haunt Democrats?" but he's more likely now to haunt the sleep of whoever watched this.

Beck steps up at the Fox News site to ask of Massa, "But is he credible?... You may not think he's credible but if we capture a terrorist, don't we ask the terrorist about information on other terrorists? And don't we listen to that information and follow up on it?" The ticking time bomb in this case is Rahm Emanuel, and the unions: "Is anyone saying that Emanuel is a kind, gentle soul," says Beck, "or that unions aren't corrupting Washington with pressure and bribes?" And there you go: Beck's performing a public service. Already the issue is being discussed by patriots everywhere, allowing them to make more informed political decisions.

Oh, and Howard Stern made fat jokes about Gabourney Sibide, "an enormous woman the size of a planet," and mocked Oprah Winfrey for saying at the Oscars Sibide has a bright career ahead of her. "She's gonna be at a convention with Beaver and Eddie Munster signing shit in about fuckin' two years," rejoined Stern. "I mean, come on, be honest with the girl." Howard Stern, ladies and gentlemen, speaking truth to obesity. If it seems crass, sometimes that's just what democracy smells like.

Update: Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will read the Top Ten on David Letterman tomorrow night, and appear on Celebrity Apprentice on Sunday.

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