New Yorkers Are Really Bad at the Census

Just do it. Like, now.

If you're like us, you have not the vaguest idea. You think you mailed it last week, but that whole week was a bit of a fog, and now it's so hot (like, record-breaking hot) that it's hard to make sense of anything much. And who really knows what happens after the envelope goes through the blue metal shaft of a city mailbox anyway? If it did disappear, it's certainly not the fault of anyone but the U.S. Postal Service, which always has been out to get us, now that we think about it...

Hey, that excuse is not gonna fly with Mayor Bloomberg, who is doing his darndest to pester the crap out of us about our censuses, which we New Yorkers are by and large doing really, really badly at returning.

In fact,

Only 48 percent of 2010 Census forms have been returned by city households, compared to 62 percent nationwide.

So, who's the worst offender, and who's the Goody Two-shoes making the rest of us look like schlubs? Envelope, please...

20 Lashes With a Wet Noodle! (Five Worst Response Rates by Neighborhood)

5. Brooklyn: Stuyvesant Heights 33.6
4. Brooklyn: Erasmus 33.4
3. Queens: South Ozone Park 33.0 (tie with 2)
2. Brooklyn: Rugby - Remsen Village 33.0 (tie with 3)
1. Brooklyn: Williamsburg 31.3

Easy There, Nerd Squad... (Five Best Response Rates by Neighborhood)
5. Queens: Oakland Gardens 62.4 (tie with 3 and 4)
4. Manhattan: Stuyvesant Town-Cooper Village 62.4 (tie with 3 and 5)
3. Manhattan: Marble Hill-Inwood 62.4 (tie with 4 and 5)
2. Manhattan: Washington Heights North 62.5
1. Queens: Ft. Totten-Bay Terrace-Clearview 62.9

Yay, Ft. Totten-Bay, Terrace-Clearview: You get an imaginary cupcake.

But regardless of where you reside in the five boroughs, mail that blasted thing in if you haven't already -- not only to get Mayor Bloomberg off your back, but because "for each person who is not counted in the census, the City loses about $3,000 in federal aid every year."

And $3,000 is nothing to sneeze at. Unless, of course, you have allergies.