Get Your Free Bra-Fitting Humiliation Today in New York

Sometimes a smile on the outside is a maniacal scream on the inside.

Oh, ladies. Remember the first time you got a bra? How your mom pushed her way into the dressing room with you and watched you try on pastel support garment after pastel support garment, even the cone-boob ones, and said things like "My you're developing!" and "This is what you get for eating so many Doritos!" And then the saleslady came in, too, and poked and prodded and pronounced you a "very difficult size" while you stood there with your hands over your violated personage and shame on your face?

Now you can relive the horror compliments of Wacoal. The brassiere-maker is offering free fittings in our fair city and its environs today and for the rest of the month. Today. Lord and Taylor. Be there with boobs on.

For every woman who participates, Wacoal will donate $2 to Susan G. Komen for the Cure for breast cancer research and outreach programs. Which is really nice, but still doesn't inspire us to let some sales clerk get all up on our lady parts. Men don't have to endure that with their undergarment purchases, now do they?

Also, stop trying to shame us by telling us that 70 percent of us wear the wrong size bra, please. We know it and we don't care. And I am not a 34 B!