Heads Up, New York -- After Times Square Bomb Attempt, Rightbloggers Will Pretend to Care About You Again

But the worst part, for any of us have claimed the proud title of Citizen of New York, was the clammy hand of rightbloggers clamping on the shoulders of New Yorkers, simultaneously pretending to offer solace for the non-explosion and demanding political favors.

At National Review, Bill Burck and Dana Perino admitted that "no one yet knows for sure who is responsible for the attempted terrorist attack in Times Square last night" before sliding right into "whoever did this, we can be sure, is in league with the underwear bomber, Major Hasan, and other terrorists either in fact or in spirit."

After that unproven assertion, they cried, "New Yorkers, it's time for you to demand that the administration come to its senses and officially shut down the civilian terror trial in NYC."

Conservatives have been pushing to have that trial moved to Guantanamo Bay -- not because other New York terrorist trials have failed, but because they have succeeded; after all, if that keeps up, it will be harder for such as Burck and Perino to terrorize people into Republicanism.

New Yorkers have shown themselves to be divided over having the KSM trial in New York, and Burck and Perino apparently hope that the unexploded car might scare a few more of them over to their side. "New Yorkers have enough to worry about," they cooed, "without politicians in Washington making them even bigger targets."See, New York? They have only your best interests at heart -- so stop clutching your wallets!

And so did rightblogger Jules Crittenden: "I Heart New York," he gushed, and then, after a lot of be-terrorized-damn-ya yap, praised the Apple as "capital of the world and a front line in the Global War on Terrorism... the expression, of the hopes and dreams of so many millions of people. I love every minute I spend in that place, even when it breaks my heart..."

How sweet. Normally Crittenden regards Gotham thus: "There is also no shortage of people out there who want to jam people's heads into all kinds of engineering projects. In New York City, for example, men who present themselves as women may now use the ladies room in subway stations, regardless of the status of their plumbing, let alone their DNA." Hur hur, fags a-usin' the ladies room -- only in New York!

But seriously, ya big queers, Crittenden loves ya for what you could be -- casualties, whose broken bodies he could use to terrorize other Americans into voting Republican. But, being New Yorkers, you probably already figured out that he isn't to be trusted -- and that, as long as this story stays in the news, he's not the last such con man you'll have to be on the lookout for.