New York Post Braves Velvet Ropes at Boom Boom Room, 1Oak and Other Circles of Hell

Last weekend the New York Post made a game of underage drinking, either wasting money (and alcohol) or breaking the law. This weekend, the name of the game is clubbing, and it stars "a cougar, a guido and a nerd," like some bizarre Jersey Shore/A Night at the Roxbury/She's All That/Never Been Kissed mega-hybrid. Isn't that what we want out of our Post? It's an "anthropological experiment" for the ages.

The hot spots in play? Tejune, Boom Boom Room, 1Oak, Avenue, Griffi and Marquee. (I would get a special sort of kick out of seeing the Venn Diagram of readers or this blog and attendees of these establishments.) But it's like this:

The Post hired six models to test the doors at six Meatpacking District clubs -- dressing them as classic cool-killing stereotypes. A Jersey girl, a Bill Gates nerd, a square suburban dad, a guido, a Samantha-esque older woman and a geekette all tried their luck against the city's toughest gatekeepers.

Apparently the phrase "Can I help you?" uttered by security means you're not getting in. The things you learn reading the newspaper! At one point, the "guido" was told "You need a shirt and a wad of money to get in here." This culture is brutal.

Unfortunately, the conclusion borders on obvious. It's all about money, sex or the allusion there of, in that order. Spoiler alert:

The suburban dad, who got into 5 out of the 6 clubs, had the best partying average, while the guido, shirtless with bulging ab muscles, and the nerdette, wearing a "Little House on the Prairie"-style dress, fared the worst, getting into only two clubs each -- and only one each for free.

For the full tales -- admittedly chuckle-worthy -- read here.