Scorched Jesus Statue to Pave Way for Bigger, Better Jesus

So, a 62-foot-tall statue of Jesus Christ -- a/k/a, "Touchdown Jesus," a/k/a, "Big Butter Jesus" (it's yellow, okay?) positioned attractively outside of the Solid Rock Church in Monroe, Ohio, was struck by lightning and burst into flames on Monday night. And there is absolutely nothing to read into that, except that tall things attract lightning, and that the giant Jesus probably should have been wearing Crocs, but then that wouldn't have been very realistic, now, would it?

But maybe someone's watching over all of us down here, because James Lynch, who constructed the statue out of white beaded coffee-cup-esque foam (don't those have chlorofluorocarbons? No wonder it burnt to a crisp!) according to another artist's design had his wits about him enough to recommend today that the church simply build a bigger, better Jesus. Maybe using his ideas this time.

"Things happen for no reason sometimes," the Jacksonville Beach, Florida, sculptor said by phone Tuesday, June 15. "My reason is that it just got struck by lightning. Your spiritual beliefs are your personal beliefs."

Happy ending, if not exactly what we remember from how it went down in the Bible.