Al Gore is Not a "Crazed Sex Poodle" in the Eyes of the Law, Cleared of Allegations

It's been a tough few months for former Vice President Al Gore, who after announcing he and his wife of 40 years, Tipper, were separating, was accused rumored to have been cheating with Larry David's wife. As if the jokes from that to come aren't bad enough, more serious allegations soon surfaced from a Oregon masseuse who claimed to the National Enquirer that "Gore wrapped her in an 'inescapable embrace' and fondled her back, buttocks and breasts as she was trying to break down her massage table." She called him a "crazed sex poodle." Initially the case was not investigated for a lack of evidence, though it was reopened amid the media shitstorm. Now, the case is closed again and Gore is vindicated.

The AP reports:

A story in a tabloid newspaper led to a monthlong investigation that found no basis for prosecution on claims by Molly Hagerty, who had waited more than two years before giving detectives a statement they initially concluded "did not merit further inquiry."

And obviously the Gore camp was thrilled:

"Mr. Gore unequivocally and emphatically denied this accusation when he first learned of its existence three years ago," spokeswoman Kalee Kreider said in a statement. "He respects and appreciates the thorough and professional work of the Portland authorities and is pleased that this matter has now been resolved."

Now that this has all blown over, I wonder if he still has time to make it to Chelsea's wedding.