Is 2010 New York City, America's "Summer of Ass"?

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The times, they change. The ebb and flow of the universe is simply something to be generally understood as such, and nothing more. For every action, there's an equal reaction. And for every physics law, there's a metaphysical plane to apply it to that generally shows its face when you look at it from the right direction at a certain point. Like this one. From behind. In other words:

In 2009, New York City, and the rest of America had the Summer of Death.

In 2010, New York City, and the rest of America has the Summer of Ass.

Because 2009 was the Summer, when, like, every celebrity died! And that's sad. So America must be rewarded with something. The revitalized popularity emerging for big derrieres -- an easily achievable physical feat, one may argue -- is, of course, society's natural karmic award for bearing the pain of all those dead celebrities last year.

The New York Daily News didn't note this in their piece of the Summer of Ass -- which, by the way, Runnin' Scared Dot Com would like to officially get behind (heh) in a big way (heh, that's another big ass joke, right there) -- but after much looking, and looking, and looking, and talking to impressively assed celebrities like Kim Kardashian, they think they've unlocked the secret of the re-emergence of the ample back-asset:

Gone are the days of being ashamed of a wider bottom, with America becoming more diverse amid shifting standards, according to Stylesight trend analyst Sharon Graubard. "I think it's about the diversity of our population and more accepted beauty, and a wider range of accepted beauty," Graubard explains.

Realize what a win-win situation this is for everyone:

  • The Big-Bottomed: Pleased.
  • The "Ass Men": Pleased.
  • The Workout Industry: Pleased.
  • The Food Industry: Pleased.
  • The Ass-Accentuating Denim Industry: Pleased.
  • Pat Kiernan: Pleased.

Of all of society's ills, will the large-ass trend work to heal any of them? Only time will tell. In the meantime, there's certainly one marginalized group that may -- nay, must -- see something good yielded by all of this:

  • The "Booty Jam" Nostalgists.
  • Lest you not understand what a "Booty Jam" is, all you need to know is: It is a song created for hyper-utilization by those with, um, big asses. And hopefully, these songs will come back, because they are amazing. Certainly, you can have your Sir Mix-a-Lot, you may have your "Apple Bottom Jeans" and your Nelly, but, ah, you don't know anything about Luke, 69 Boyz, and 2 Live Crew's heyday, until you experience it. Like this.

    *Runnin' Scared Dot Com obviously doesn't condone or endorse any perceived misogyny or objectification one may or may not extrapolate from the "Booty Jamz" genre of music as selected above. That said, it sure is catchy. LET ME SEE YOU TOUCH THE GROUND! indeed.

    [fkamer@villagevoice.com]

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