Project Runway: We've Got Their Number
Short version: Project Runway is so very long now, and we're so very tired.
In the (apparently unshared) interest of brevity, a quick guide to steer the unwieldy beast of this season. Because as we all know, even if this show were 400 minutes weekly and sponsored by ads for Kim Jong-il brand pantyhose or whatever, we'd still watch it. C'mon, it's Project Runway.
Project Runway Season 8, Episode 1 Index
Contestants: 17 (up from traditional 16)
Episode length, in minutes: 90 (up from 60)
Contestant described in ominous terms of a bankruptcy-laden ready-to-wear brand: 1 (Tim, in comparison to Heatherette)
Time newly allotted on Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn's Bachelorette-style confessionals against white, seizure-inducing white background: 8 minutes (approximate)
Immediately strange, jarring, twitchy contestants named Casanova: 1 (you're killing me, Smalls)
Age of oldest contestant: 50 (Peach
Number of times we slur, "Those dreadlocks worry me," at screen: 2 (to contestant McKell)
Indications that location of their first meeting, Lincoln Center, is going to work as the new home of Fashion Week: 0 (plaza is near-empty, echoing)
Challenge: 1 (incorporate fellow designers' personal favorite clothes into new look)
Hours for construction: 5 (stroke-inducing)
Contestants who look aghast at concept of handing over wares to competitors: 16
Contestant who offers no discernible human reaction to news: 1 (Casanova - hey, tell us now if you're merely a Dolce and Gabbana cyborg, will ya?)