Project Runway: Vagina Icicles for Everyone!

The Runway Rundown:

1. With great power comes a great superiority complex, if you're Gretchen. The willowy Portlander has won both of the season's challenges, and is gradually revealing herself to be pretty damn pleased with this. She is alone in this sentiment: "It's like she opened up an Urban [Outfitters] catalogue," snipes a fellow female contestant.

2. This week's challenge: to design an outfit using party store supplies. Gretchen anoints this task "cheeseball" and sighs, "Nothing about my design aesthetic is cheeseball." Oh, hush up and go grab some Sponge Bob napkins like everyone else, emo child.

3. Tim Gunn strenuously warns the 14 contestants to avoid selecting fabric-like materials, such as napkins and tablecloths. Dippy Casanova completely disregards this. Back in the Parsons workroom, he whirls into a stuffed dog gleefully, batting it senselessly against the ground and ripping its fluffy puppy innards. "I love the plush puppies!" he exclaims as the other contestants watch the carnage with frightened eyes.

4. Gretchen, when not making an (admittedly clever) metallic fringe skirt and paper-bag "leather" jacket, wanders the workroom dispensing entirely unwanted advice to her resentful colleagues. In turn, Tim Gunn clearly has a case of the giggles this week, and falls to pieces at the male contestants' randy jokes. His face actually turns red. We like this side of you, Tim.

5. "Why does the Asian girl have the Asian model? That's fucked up!" cries my friend, before we realize that Ivy does not, in fact, have the Asian model. The point here is: said friend is drunk now and I am, too, because this show is too long now and the extra commercial breaks can only lead to mischief.