Project Runway: Let This Hat Be a Metaphor for Your Failure, and Also Sex

The Runway Rundown

1. At four episodes in and 13 souls remaining, the Runway ranks are still cluttered with extraneous contestants. Watching them band together for their next Trail of Tears march to Mood Fabrics, they clump like errant sequins at the bottom of our Chanel Chinatown handbag. By now, it's painfully obvious that the contestant with each episode's predominant narrative arc will go home or win the challenge. There are no other options. This week, the leading lady is Kristin.

2. The challenge, presented by hatmaker Philip Treacy, is to design a garment to complement one of his outlandish headpieces. In the biz, we call Treacy a "milliner." (Our biz is haphazardly Googling wisps of long-forgotten words we read years ago in Allure, this coming at the expense of 20 minutes of attention to this awkwardly inflated show.)

3. Treacy's hats are wild, architectural creations of striped buzz-saws, sharp fabric tufts, cavernous ovals, and more. Kristin receives the most straightforward shape, a gargantuan orchid. She has plenty to expound on the subject: she wore orchids in her hair at her wedding! She resents the literalism of the cap she chose! Orchids look like lady rude bits! And so forth, until Gretchen graces us with a snide observation about Kristin' "sloppy" construction. (Gretchen is reduced to cameo length in this episode, mercifully.)

4. Did you know that Project Runway was the first reality show to win a Peabody Award? We learn this while Googling "millificent?" (question mark SIC).

5. April's Treacy travesty looks like a bubblegum-striped Sorry! board game piece. She pairs it with quilted white booty shorts with exposed rear zipper. Tim Gunn chokes down his rage and compares them wanly to a diaper.

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