The Completely Wrong Way to Plead "Not Guilty," Starting With the Word "Balls"

When you get arrested for a crime -- like, say, stealing 750 identities and over $500,000 of cash to be spent on "Tiffany & Co. jewelry, Rolex watches, and luxury goods from Louis Vuitton and Bloomingdale's" -- there is one thing you should never, ever, ever, ever say to cops if you want don't want to completely fumble any chance of fighting the charges from square one. Via the New York Post, remember the following phrase:

"What can I say?" a man accused of stealing 750 identities told cops while getting handcuffed in East New York for allegedly stealing more than $500,000 from victim accounts. "You've got me by the balls," he added.

And figure out a way to make sure it never comes out of your mouth around cops. Even if you're busted in a prostitution sting. Funny? Yes. Effective in any way whatsoever? Not really. This is the exact opposite of invoking your Miranda Rights.

[fkamer@villagevoice.com]