The Racist Tea Party Protester's Guide to Washington D.C.
So: You're visiting our nation's capital, Washington D.C., this weekend! You will join Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck and go scream at a building and scare the rest of a sensible nation with your poorly-spelled protest signs promising to "mow the lawn of freedom with patriot blood" or whatever, right? Well then, you should probably know what scary areas to avoid, like the ones that have BLACK AND/OR HISPANIC PEOPLE in them.
Via Simon Owens/Next Web Media, apparently, some guy wrote a blog post for all his insane tea partier friends who're coming for the "Restoring Honor" protest starring Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin this weekend in D.C. as a kind of "users guide" to the city. One of the best parts, of course, is the guide to the D.C. subway system:
Many parts of DC are safe beyond the areas I will list here, but why chance it if you don't know where you are?
If you are on the subway stay on the Red line between Union Station and Shady Grove, Maryland. If you are on the Blue or Orange line do not go past Eastern Market (Capitol Hill) toward the Potomac Avenue stop and beyond; stay in NW DC and points in Virginia. Do not use the Green line or the Yellow line. These rules are even more important at night. There is of course nothing wrong with many other areas; but you don't know where you are, so you should not explore them.
This would be like a New Yorker telling someone on their way into town: Don't go to Brooklyn on the Q, it's where everyone gets shot. Well, a blogger for DCist found the post and highlighted the more ridiculous portions, like the one above, and also, one in which the blogger compares the streets of DC to being "more dangerous than Baghdad." The blogger, Martin Austermuhle, explained to Owens:
"He just said avoid entire parts of the city, especially at night, because the chances of you getting robbed, shot, raped, stabbed, any of that, it's most likely going to happen," the blogger explained. "Anyone who's been in the District for the last 10 years knows that that's not true. Even 20 year ago when the District was as dangerous as it was, it wasn't like you walked out on the street and you were going to be shot on sight. It's a pretty unlikely occurrence. He basically condemned anyone who read his piece to absolute fear."
Which is essentially the tea party platform: Manifesting fear in stupid people, thus leading them to anger, and anger and fear both sell really well on TV, which is why they've been given any attention at all. That's okay, though: Owens also pointed out another blogger who's trying to use the ridiculousness as a PR opportunity for a city he so dearly loves being so ignorantly miscast. 'Restoring honor,' indeed. Owens notes that D.C. residents have seen it all when it comes to protests, so they'll be nonplussed either way, but really, they should do what New Yorkers do when obtrusive, irritating tourists get on our nerves: Give out wrong directions. Simple, easy, satisfying. Works like a charm, every time.