NEWSPAPER WARS, The Movie: NYT and WSJ Battle It Out in Simulated Taiwanese Melodrama

Some things you see on the Internet, and you look at them, and you stare at them, thinking that maybe at some point along the lines of all this staring, it will begin to resemble something that will make sense. Try as you might, this is absolutely not one of those things.

Looks like The Awl got to this first, but, um, those people responsible for all the Taiwanese computer simulations of pop culture catastrophes -- like Tiger Woods' infamous car accident last year -- have decided to get incredibly esoteric, and animate the battle between the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal into a little under two minutes of action-packed drama.

Some questions to ask yourself while you watch:

• They actually went with "Pinch"?
• Is that a bottle of weed on Sulzberger's desk?
• Sulzberger is singlehandedly responsible for the decline of the New York Times?
• Does he actually have a button on his desk like that? Is that how buyouts work these days?
• Rupert Murdoch has a sharkfin?
• And yellow helicopters to surround him when he's not swimming onto Liberty Island?
• Does he actually have a wand to make Wall Street Journal writers better dressers?
• Was the inclusion of an Asian woman by his side -- presumably his wife, Wendy Murdoch -- intentional?
• If they're putting Carlos Slim in a sombrero, can't they do better with Murdoch?
• How the fuck did this become West Side Story?
• What would Charles Isherwood say?
• Who's idea was the "birdshit" transition? [Kinda genius.]
• The Daily Rehash? WHO IS MAKING THESE VIDEOS? For the record, it is not me.
• WHAT. THE. FUCK.

[fkamer@villagevoice.com]