Project Runway: Go Eat Some (Gucci) Worms

By Stacey Anderson Fri., Sep. 3 2010 at 2:00 AM

Categories: Fashion, Project Runway, Stacey Anderson, The Fabulous Life

1. We open on the Runway contestants' Spartan apartment and an eloquent diorama of good versus evil, i.e., previous challenge winner Casanova chattering benignly about his recent victory as wicked sisters Gretchen and Ivy continue to verbally desecrate Michael C. Cut to stern, sepia flashback of Tim Gunn scolding the Runway lemmings for following the "manipulative" Gretchen into last week's unsuccessful attempt to oust Michael C. It is even funnier in muted hue (important fashion lesson, ahoy).

2. Fraulein Heidi Klum barely contains her smirk as she ushers out a row of wildly saturated, over-embellished bridesmaid dresses. The contestants' task is to turn them into ball-gags to mute Gretchen, or to make them fashionable, whichever way the individual wind blows. Mondo elects a woman in an abysmal, Pepto-pink satin number; a surprise awaits us all as she turns to reveal an ivory racing stripe running determinedly down her rear. Woof.

3. Michael's model, inexplicably, bolts from the competition mere moments after being selected. This is not televised, but rather explained with a stilted deus ex machina finality in the workroom. A strange, genuine moment of drama in these aggressively stoked interpersonal embers, shafted for a lengthy segment of Gretchen wittering in baby-talk to her mother via webcam. "I'm realizing that life is more than fashion," she expounds.

4. "What's wrong with the bridesmaids dress industry, I ask?" glowers Tim Gunn. Papa Tim is, in fact, full of witticisms this episode, his witch trial the previous week having imbued him with new fervor. To wit:

5. "You should make her a thong and call it a day," he says to Ivy after glimpsing her scanty proportions.