UFO Nuclear Missile-Obsessed Aliens Being Reported by U.S. Military Officials and Documents. Seriously.

Take a bunch of former and retired U.S. generals testimony alongside a bunch of now declassified documents, throw the words "nuclear" and "UFO" in there, and what do you get? The strangest, scariest, weirdest, and most patently awesome national defense story in a while.

Apparently, these guys and these documents claim a bunch of clichéd, Frisbee-shaped Unidentified Flying Objects (though they've been reported to also, for what it's worth, come in "sphere" and "cylindrical" shapes as well) that are able to hover and take part in "high-velocity flight" in total silence. They've been reported at nuclear missile sights, nuclear storage areas, and nuclear test sights in Nevada and the Pacific.

So, one more time:

• A bunch of retired generals and declassified documents
• Are reporting quiet, Frisbee-shaped, "fat cigar" or "pregnant cigar"-shaped UFOs
• that hover
• with shiny lights
• over nuclear sites
• and are being piloted by interstellar beings.

This is not a joke, these guys are totally for real:

On one hand, awesome, because it's a crazy funny news story about more-than-just-official-sounding people talking about aliens and nuclear weapons. On the other hand, remember that time Stephen Hawking was like, 'for the love of god, do not -- do not -- play around with aliens, because if they're coming, they're coming to kill us'? He's not wrong. Think about this: if there's a species out there that's evolved enough to rock interstellar, un-detectable flight -- and evolution and the basic nature of the survival of a species is predicated on outlasting and overpowering everything around you -- and we, humans, can't even get to Mars, let alone most meetings on-time?

If this is for real, we're all gonna die. Straight up.

[fkamer@villagevoice.com]