Presenting the Single Worst Sex Toy Ever: The Obamarator (Obama + Vibrator)

Click to Enlarge. Not like that.

What are you going to be gift-wrapping this holiday season? A Squinky? A Sing-A-Ma-Jig? A Gremlin? Maybe for the children. But alas, a gift has arrived that will bring all Americans -- Red State, Blue State, Green Party, whatever -- together. If they're creepy.

It's a vibrator.
It's a vibrator made in the likeness of Barack Obama.

Now, note that they didn't model "The Obamarator" after the 44th President's actual penis -- That'd be weird, and worrisome, because where was the Secret Service when Obama's penis was being molded? -- but instead made a cartoon-y action figure of him that vibrates.

Some of the warnings on the box:

• "This item is not intended for internal use."
• "Never use the Obamarator while sleeping."
• "Keep away from infants, small children, and pets."

Also, Michael Steele? It looks like they emailed these things to a bunch of bloggers -- or just myself and my former Gawker.com colleague Brian Moylan, which, I don't know what that says about either of us -- but I, uh, don't really have much use for this. For one thing, I'm into way freakier shit. For another, I simply have no desire for colleagues coming over to my desk and playing with a vibrator made to look like Barack Obama.

Moylan's having a contest for your best Obama fantasy story, but this wonderful thing can be yours if you just email me some funny lines about a vibrator made to look like Barack Obama. I'll make a Top Ten list (obviously) and #1 will win it, and we'll mail it to you or you can just pick it up from our office. Whatever.

Email me your one-liners about an Obama Vibrator here. And then go do something with yourself that isn't this. Or that. You know what I mean.

[fkamer@villagevoice.com]