Consider the shark jumped. The $3 canned beverage, both caffeinated and alcoholic, has already been banned in New York, with distributors halting their local deliveries on Friday, and now we here at Runnin' Scared are moving to ban the drink from the internet. Our teeth are shivering from the sugar and it's starting to stink in here. The joke is over.
But don't tell that to the thousands of raucous kids (and adults!) who used the recent media onslaught as encouragement to test the drink, which has been written about in college newspapers dating all the way to 2006.
A quick perusal of any social network this weekend will show an avalanche of embarrassing references to the drink. Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, OK Cupid, MySpace, Face Mash, eBay, Geocities -- it's everywhere. Once Saturday Night Live gets to mocking a phenomenon (see above video) it's clear that it's done. Enough is enough.
This isn't to say that the real-life effects of the drink should be diminished. It's making people wild and horny and awful and litterers. Take a stroll around any urban block or college campus this morning and survey the damage. It's very real:
But talking about it has reached a breaking point and it's crowding the internet with empty calories. A Twitter search is a wasteland of embarrassment: "Forty-eight hours later and I think the Four Loko is finally starting to wear off." Really, Stephen Colbert? This shit is cheesy. And just take a look at the Google Trends:
Tipping point, "[Blank] is Dead," it's partly our fault, blah, blah, blah. Yes, you're right. Still!
Basically, Four Loko is the Bros Icing Bros of the Fall: it was funny at first, ironic for a moment and then just stale. Stop. This writer is instituting a self-imposed injunction, from here on out, to stop all creation or consumption of Four Loko-related media. You should too.