The 10 Best Rightblogger Rants of 2010: Obama vs. Jesus, The Sperm Donor Menace, And More!
Thank God for the rightbloggers who helped get us through all this. Whatever the issue, however intense the debate, some conservative cowboy could be counted on to bring The Crazy, and bestow upon a grateful nation the healing gift of laughter.
We've sifted through our archives and found our 10 Best Rightblogger Rants of 2010. Read on! Collect the set! Suggest your own!
10. The World Series: Patriots Know Who To Root For! You'd think people who are always bitching about Political Correctness would know enough to leave politics out of sports. Alas, not even the October Classic is safe from their ministrations.
Aaron Goldstein's essay at The American Spectator, "A Red State-Blue State World Series," focused on "the political and cultural divide that exists between the two cities" whose teams were to compete in the Series. This year the Series was between the Rangers of Arlington, Texas and the Giants of San Francisco. You can guess which Goldstein considered a suitable home for America's team.
"When Rangers center fielder Josh Hamilton accepted the American League Championship Series MVP," said Goldstein, "the first thing he did was to praise God and Jesus Christ." If that happened in San Francisco, Goldstein added, "Half the crowd would have been on the phone with the ACLU. The other half of the San Francisco crowd would be on the phone with PETA because of the head of a ten point buck that is mounted above Hamilton's locker."
Damn liberal hippie.
Also the Giants' ace, Tim Lincecum, "was charged with misdemeanor possession of marijuana in November 2009... And where else but San Francisco could Giants first baseman Aubrey Huff be embraced for wearing a ladies' thong?" I mean, c'mon, people -- swish swish, amirite?
The Giants won the Series, but despite this reversal, conservatives scored big in the following week's elections. Maybe it's fixed, like wrestling.
9. The Libertarian Case Against Public Roads. We've all heard libertarians complain about being stereotyped as unreasonable anti-government obsessives. "I even used to be [a libertarian] myself," Peter Bagge had one wise guy cracking, "only I'm in favor of roads."
Things can't have gotten easier for them after the libertarian magazine Reason ran a video in which Professor Bruce Benson of Florida State actually argued against public roads. "There's certainly no reason that private firms couldn't run all the toll roads in the United States," said the Professor.
As it stands, Benson told viewers, people abuse Gummint roads because they don't realize that they're maintained by confiscatory taxes -- "we all pay gasoline taxes," he admitted, "but there's no direct link between that and the roads in the minds of most people."
Hey! Private Road!
No Toyotas allowed!
If they did know, they'd surely go for the Professor's solution, which is to replace Gummint roads with roads "created by groups or firms who want people to come to their location... Las Vegas, for instance, wanting people to have easy access from Los Angeles." If you wanted to get from Los Angeles to, say, Ridgecrest, California instead, you could always get someone to put in a casino there, or take your chances on the crumbling remnants of the old, defunded Socialist Highway System.
Extra points for the video's groovy acoustic guitar soundtrack, evocative of a free-spirited hitch-hiker thumbing a ride on the Starbucks Highway until private security guards throw him off.
8. The Absolute Worst Tea Party Representative Ever. It always amazes us when some patrician character declares himself part of the grass-rootsy Tea Party. Take Instapundit blogger Glenn Reynolds -- a Yale graduate, and for years employed by the state as a law professor at the University of Tennessee, yet a big TP supporter who denounces Obama as "the favored candidate of the Gentry Class" who allegedly enjoy "looking down on Americans from Flyover Country." Presumably Reynolds distinguishes himself from that lot by taking a jug and some chaw down the General Store of a night, and talking Constitutional principles with the salt of the earth.
(Elsewhere Reynolds has introduced his readers to a self-professed Yale alum and "former Wall Street trader" who described himself as an "elite anti-elitist Tea Partier... tired of being condescended to" by the bad kind of elitists.)
But National Review's Peter Robinson topped that in a November interview. Robinson quoted his subject, and told him, "Are you aware that those words could have been written by Sarah Palin? If you were an American, you'd be a member of the Tea Party," to which the subject replied, "Yeah, I have to accept that."
Live Free or Die, My Subjects!
Robinson's subject happened to be Prince Hans Adam II, the hereditary ruler of Liechtenstein. (Robinson referred to the Prince as "Your Highness" throughout.) "Prince Hans-Adam II," the principality's page tells us, "grew up with his three brothers and sister at Vaduz Castle, the parental home." We'd love to see him at one of these Tea Party things, giving the crowd a royal wave and describing himself as a "royal anti-elitist Tea Partier" before giving the stage over to his jesters and minstrels.