Rick Santorum, Presidential Hopeful, Can't Beat Google, Dan Savage, or Anal Sex

Rick Santorum, at least on the Internet, is at the mercy of Google's algorithm, by way of syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage, almost eight years after the writer, enraged by Santorum's ignorant stance on homosexuality, started a campaign to define (and defile) the politician's surname. The winning definition -- the "frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex" -- is now plastered on the man's search page (worse with just "Santorum") and hasn't budged as we inch toward the one-decade mark. Today, Roll Call puts the Santorum coup "among the first 'Google bombs' in the modern political era," and gets the man's take on his nastiest e-obstacle as 2012 approaches.

"It's one guy. You know who it is. The Internet allows for this type of vulgarity to circulate. It's unfortunate that we have someone who obviously has some issues. But he has an opportunity to speak," said Santorum, seemingly defeated.

But it's worth remembering why spreadingsantorum.com started in the first place. Roll Call has the history:

Then the third-most-powerful Republican in the Senate, Santorum told the Associated Press that April that gay sex could "undermine the fabric of our society." The interview touched on a Supreme Court case related to sexual privacy, and Santorum compared homosexual acts to allowing for "man on child, man on dog" relationships.

"And if the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does," he said at the time.

So what's the man to do if he hopes to hold our nation's highest office?

"You can bury anything on the Internet," said David Urban, a Santorum ally and former chief of staff for former Sen. Arlen Specter (Pa.). "But at what financial cost and at what political cost? You can bury a bad story. But how do you bury your own name?"

Like a good friend, Urban stays entirely positive, even insisting that Santorum's online trail could be a good thing:

"The site's completely gross. But I don't think it's a problem politically for Rick running for president. Quite the opposite," he said. "If you're Rick Santorum and you're making an argument that there's certain people that wish you ill, there's exhibit No. 1. You say: 'You want to see my battle scars? Google my name. You don't think I've been in the trenches for years? I've got the scars to prove it.'"

Good luck with that.

Santorum Talks About Longtime Google Problem [Roll Call]

[jcoscarelli@villagevoice.com / @joecoscarelli]