Rightbloggers Find the Lesson of the Japanese Disaster: We Need More Nuclear Power Plants! (Plus Obama Sux!)

tomt200.jpgLast week Japan was hit by earthquake, tsunami, and volcano. As the country tries to come back from this series of disasters, donations are pouring in from world citizens.

Rightbloggers are doing their part, too. They're using the catastrophe as a teachable moment to explain that Obama sucks, global warming doesn't exist, and what America needs now is more nuclear power plants.

We wish to state up front that we didn't find rightbloggers doing the kind of karmic-payback-for-Pearl-Harbor nonsense reported here. That's not counting Republican Faith Chat ("IT'S NOT AS THOUGH GOD HASN'T WARNED THE JAPS!"), The Good Kentuckian ("Well, maybe THAT is the real reason Jesus punished Japan: Jesus hates socialism and big government!"), and other sites that we're telling ourselves must be parodies.

At the hour of Japan's need, the more devout among the brethren turned to the comfort of religion. "Christians - Believers - BE WARNED," advised Pastor Lee at Conservative Patriot. "The earth has shifted on its axis; time is affected; Japan has moved 8 feet and experienced a drastic change in its coastline..."

Plus Egypt, Libya, etc. "I do not wish to be seen as a scare manger," said the pastor, "but I am firmly convinced that the dangers of destruction are at hand. Factually MEGA earthquakes are predicted in the U.S. within the month of March...this very year! Read my posting and see what experts say!" (We think he means this, inspired by a story in the European Union Times, which isn't the most reliable source in the world.)

"I am one of God's Watchmen," the pastor then informed us. "I know of many of His Watchmen and we are of one accord. You, yes YOU must be prepared for at any moment you may be called upon by others for their very earthly existence." God, it's worse than anyone thought! We -- Oh, wait, someone tells us we can relax, the pastor is just talking about Jesus.

No rightblogger political discussion is complete without explanations as to how Obama is to blame and/or inept. At Andrew Breitbart's Big Peace, Charles C. Johnson proposed some "Lessons for Obama," hearkening back to a previous Japanese earthquake and President Calvin Coolidge, a conservative hero frequently lauded by the brethren for his ultra-small-government Administration.

"The left often dismisses Calvin Coolidge for not being activist enough in forcing Americans to submit to their favorite charity -- government," said Johnson. "But when it came to real charity... Coolidge acted decisively."

tsunami1.jpg
Another disaster on the watch of the Kenyan Pretender.
Coolidge asked Americans to donate money to relieve the earthquake-stricken Japanese in 1923, rather than using ill-gotten tax receipts as Obama has done. But it wasn't a totally small-government outreach: Instead of just mailing the money to Japan and then taking a nap, Coolidge sent the U.S. Navy, which was funded by the U.S. Treasury rather than by citizen donations. Also, the Navy and the U.S. Army contributed supplies of their own.

What lessons then should Obama take from Coolidge? "...in scuttling the Navy in recent years," said Johnson, "Obama does the world a great disservice." Johnson then praised Coolidge's decision to pour more of the people's money into cruisers and aircraft carriers. "We rightly gripe about how our allies are offloading the cost of the world's security onto our backs," Johnson closes, "but if it were not for us, who would answer the call?"

So, Obama errs in not practicing the muscular Big Government activism of Calvin Coolidge. The poor guy can't win.

Also, "President Useless Decides to Golf While Japan Burns," "Our president just voted 'present.' This is a disgrace beyond compare," etc.

Some rightbloggers were inspired by the carnage and destruction to flights of poesy. For example, Pajamas Media's Richard Fernandez composed an Ode to Godzilla: "If America was Godzilla, has the scaly beast fallen on hard times?" he wrote. "Or has it simply been eaten or replaced by an even greater monster: Tyrannosaurus Debt?" He also quoted Yeats, which offered momentary relief.

We're also not sure what to make of the intramural squabble between the Libertarian Patriot and the Wall Street Journal, which paper Libertarian Patriot said "seems to suggest that Japan's floundering economy could see benefit in the destruction... Certainly it is in poor taste to even broach this subject but this is how Keynesians think; steal from the masses and use the proceeds to fund government projects... progressives always look for some silver lining in a tragedy as a way to expand their big government, socialistic beliefs." Wait -- Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal is Keynesian and progressive? When did this happen? Readers, please advise.

Some certified rightbloggers were also accused of wrongspeak. "Stacy McCain and Matt Drudge decided to found their new grassroots organization, 'Citizens for Nuclear Hysteria and Higher-Priced Electricity,' lamented Little Miss Attila. "Because who cares about the future, when you can get internet traffic now?"

As you may have guessed, Little Miss Attila was referring to the nuclear reactor issues that emerged as Japan's plants reeled from the quake. (We guess she thinks the future would be better off if we kept our mouths shut about these things.)

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40 comments
jim
jim

You goofy eco-freak libs just got pwned: nuclear power is completely SAFE!

Well, unless you count the waste ... & the toxic runoff from mining ... & the risks involved with having to decommission the reactors once they wear out ... oh, plus the way countries who want nuclear weapons always mysteriously develop a sudden burning need for nuclear power ...but other than THAT, it's safer than mother's milk (now that mother's milk has all those isotopes in it)!

Gullible?
Gullible?

You've been duped. Republican Faith Chat is an over the top parody on par with Landoverbaptist and the Onion. Typical leftist elitism on your part, thinking that all Republicans are nothing more than ignorant fundamentalist hicks.

edroso
edroso

Oh oh, I left off the sarcasm tags. My entire thesis is disprov'd! Alert Professor Jacobson.

sarah
sarah

seriously, roy. ENTIRE ARTICLE INVALIDATED.

kevinh
kevinh

Roy said it was a parody, doofus.

Jonny
Jonny

Well, here's a simple solution for all the simple minds in the Red States: We'll build the nuclear plants in your states.

Utah, you go first. Hey, you've got a major earthquake fault that's been dormant longer than any other in the U.S. And dams and reservoirs just itching to break free with the slightest rumble. Go for it! Be the first! Show your true colours! Because when that Big One comes and your Jesus comes down to save you, I hope Jesus can keep those Rocky Mountains from tumbling down into your valleys and those government-funded dams hold. P.S. And no, you can't ask for any federal help afterwards.

douglaswatts
douglaswatts

"I do not wish to be seen as a scare manger," ...

Neither did the baby jeheebus ... but weird things happen after you die and don't change your name to an unpronounceable symbol.

reuven
reuven

I'm 48 and if my memory serves me correctly, Ronald reagen was influential in supporting Japans appetite for cheap and clean energy i.e. nuclear power. Please correct me if I'm wrong on this.

harriet
harriet

Harriet from The Good Kentuckian here: please note that the main purpose of our little post: the Godly Patriotic Republicans are doing their best to keep from angering Jesus by cutting things like tsunami warning systems from the budget! :)

edroso
edroso

I knew you were kidding! Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.

CapitalCat
CapitalCat

The magnitude of the quake has been variously described as 8.4, 8.9 and 9.0. The chief significance of these numbers is that they are all higher than the IQs of right wing bloggers.

Audio7
Audio7

And, as the nuclear energy lobbyists have told us:

"it's clean, safe, too cheap to meter. That's not tritium leaking into your water, it's part of the process. Trust us, we're professionals".

OhioOrrin
OhioOrrin

is there any environmental disaster which wingnuts wont apologise away?

JammieWearingFool
JammieWearingFool

You ever consider using spellcheck, idiot?

edroso
edroso

I appreciate the crowdsourcing effort, but still need you to point out whatever typo you might be talking about. The Voice's proofreaders are all at SXSW.

Tracy Mohr
Tracy Mohr

Presumably he's taking issue with your spelling of Godlstein.

Clearly, Jammie-Jam is not aware of all internet traditions.

gocart mozart
gocart mozart

Is the "Fool" implying that Jeff is not Godly?

UnholyMoses
UnholyMoses

Good to see Jamie reply with his typical level of wit and intelligence. And with such insight as well!

(Pssst ... your stupid is showing.)

StringonaStick
StringonaStick

"In fact, this is not the first time earthquakes have been blamed by the ShamanisticGod-bothering, Magical-Thinking LeftTalibangecals on the all-purpose Zeus-substitute " wrathful, yet loving and apparently (insert injured group here, currently Japan)- hating God.

Duncan
Duncan

Has the Only President we've got - a big booster of Big Govt support for nuclear power -- had anything to say about this issue? No, of course not, he had a press conference just last week before the disaster, so that'll be it for several months. (Remember when liberals made fun of Bush for his chariness of the Press?) But I mean, if you're going after right-wing supporters of nuclear power, he fits.

Glen
Glen

"Don Surber took a scientific approach," - stop right there! That's hilarious!

Glen
Glen

"nuclear power is clean, also affordable, and if Japan can demonstrate containment and success - even in such an earthquake volatile region of the world - then abandoning this type of energy using fear tactics is simply despicable,"

Yeah, if by "affordable" you mean that to contain an unfortunate glitch you render the entire plant (how much did that cost?) unusable and scuttle it. That's cost effective. So even if they manage to avoid an actual meltdown (and let's hope to God they do) the whole plant is basically a loss. What's the return on investment there?

saybruh
saybruh

nuclear power gets a bad rap, cause, you know, it can be used to kill lots of people. But, it DOES burn clean and is WAY more efficient than oil. Also, it's up held up to a 9.0 earthquake. Looks like the engineering has spoken for itself...

nygrump
nygrump

but you still get stuck with the waste for a couple hundred thousand years, nevermind the toxicity in the manufacturing process.

gocart mozart
gocart mozart

"What's the return on investment there?"

With insurance and government cleanup subsidies, I think the investors will do O.K.

Jim Donahue
Jim Donahue

"The earth has shifted on its axis; time is affected; ..."

OH MY GOD! I lost an hour somehow this weekend! This explains everything!

cleter
cleter

I blame Superman. Goddamned illegal alien.

R. Porrofatto
R. Porrofatto

What's kind of funny, in a blindly ideological cockslapping kind of way, is Goldstein's typically hilarious Looks like they’ll [sic] be no real-world Godzilla vs Mothra battles after all, and his news quote "Japan relieved after nuclear meltdown in Fukushima avoided" now links to a Guardian piece that has since been covertly updated by leftists with the head and sub "Japan nuclear fears as systems fail at second reactor. Officials warn of more radiation leaks as residents panic, jamming city's exit roads."

They're adorable when their knees jerk so hard and fast it raises welts on their foreheads.

Substance McGravitas
Substance McGravitas

"In fact, this is not the first time earthquakes have been blamed by the Shamanistic, Magical-Thinking Left on the all-purpose Zeus-substitute of global warming," said Ace of Spades, taking his customary theological perspective.

It's Invisible Hands everywhere you look.

Emix
Emix

Its more like an invisible hand job in Ace's case.

douglaswatts
douglaswatts

Rightbloggers are nihilo-capitalist sociopaths, which is why they still have a hard time 'getting' incest and priest pedophilia since it does not affect the Nikkei index, not that they have any money except unrubbed scratch tickets in the wet moldy bag with the empty plastic bottle of coffee brandy.

I am Bic Pentameter
I am Bic Pentameter

Got a superfluous "their" there, or something

"rightbloggers stood firewatch over their whatever of their cherished beliefs"

edroso
edroso

Thanks, typo corrected.

edroso
edroso

Thanks, IaBP. I've fixed the typo. Of course, when Professor Jacobson hears about it, I'm sure he'll insist it invalidates the entire column.

thelibertarianpatriot
thelibertarianpatriot

Wow, I've hit the big time, my humble blog being slammed in the Village Voice. I will say that I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't give me the two-fer here for my post ripping Clueless Joe Lieberman and his call for a moratorium on new nuclear power plant construction. I'm honored just the same.

Horatius
Horatius

It's good to know that you know your place in the world. Trolling for links for the Village Voice will be your ultimate achievement.

Pop the corks. This is as good as it's gonna get.

Weatherby_Jones
Weatherby_Jones

"I've hit the big time, my humble blog being slammed in the Village Voice." Special stupidity deserves special attention.

edroso
edroso

My pleasure! And it's a nice change of pace, seeing someone besides liberals beating up Joe Lieberman.

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