Rightbloggers Find the Lesson of the Japanese Disaster: We Need More Nuclear Power Plants! (Plus Obama Sux!)
Rightbloggers are doing their part, too. They're using the catastrophe as a teachable moment to explain that Obama sucks, global warming doesn't exist, and what America needs now is more nuclear power plants.
We wish to state up front that we didn't find rightbloggers doing the kind of karmic-payback-for-Pearl-Harbor nonsense reported here. That's not counting Republican Faith Chat ("IT'S NOT AS THOUGH GOD HASN'T WARNED THE JAPS!"), The Good Kentuckian ("Well, maybe THAT is the real reason Jesus punished Japan: Jesus hates socialism and big government!"), and other sites that we're telling ourselves must be parodies.
At the hour of Japan's need, the more devout among the brethren turned to the comfort of religion. "Christians - Believers - BE WARNED," advised Pastor Lee at Conservative Patriot. "The earth has shifted on its axis; time is affected; Japan has moved 8 feet and experienced a drastic change in its coastline..."
Plus Egypt, Libya, etc. "I do not wish to be seen as a scare manger," said the pastor, "but I am firmly convinced that the dangers of destruction are at hand. Factually MEGA earthquakes are predicted in the U.S. within the month of March...this very year! Read my posting and see what experts say!" (We think he means this, inspired by a story in the European Union Times, which isn't the most reliable source in the world.)
"I am one of God's Watchmen," the pastor then informed us. "I know of many of His Watchmen and we are of one accord. You, yes YOU must be prepared for at any moment you may be called upon by others for their very earthly existence." God, it's worse than anyone thought! We -- Oh, wait, someone tells us we can relax, the pastor is just talking about Jesus.
No rightblogger political discussion is complete without explanations as to how Obama is to blame and/or inept. At Andrew Breitbart's Big Peace, Charles C. Johnson proposed some "Lessons for Obama," hearkening back to a previous Japanese earthquake and President Calvin Coolidge, a conservative hero frequently lauded by the brethren for his ultra-small-government Administration.
"The left often dismisses Calvin Coolidge for not being activist enough in forcing Americans to submit to their favorite charity -- government," said Johnson. "But when it came to real charity... Coolidge acted decisively."
Coolidge asked Americans to donate money to relieve the earthquake-stricken Japanese in 1923, rather than using ill-gotten tax receipts as Obama has done. But it wasn't a totally small-government outreach: Instead of just mailing the money to Japan and then taking a nap, Coolidge sent the U.S. Navy, which was funded by the U.S. Treasury rather than by citizen donations. Also, the Navy and the U.S. Army contributed supplies of their own.
Another disaster on the watch of the Kenyan Pretender.
What lessons then should Obama take from Coolidge? "...in scuttling the Navy in recent years," said Johnson, "Obama does the world a great disservice." Johnson then praised Coolidge's decision to pour more of the people's money into cruisers and aircraft carriers. "We rightly gripe about how our allies are offloading the cost of the world's security onto our backs," Johnson closes, "but if it were not for us, who would answer the call?"
So, Obama errs in not practicing the muscular Big Government activism of Calvin Coolidge. The poor guy can't win.
Some rightbloggers were inspired by the carnage and destruction to flights of poesy. For example, Pajamas Media's Richard Fernandez composed an Ode to Godzilla: "If America was Godzilla, has the scaly beast fallen on hard times?" he wrote. "Or has it simply been eaten or replaced by an even greater monster: Tyrannosaurus Debt?" He also quoted Yeats, which offered momentary relief.
We're also not sure what to make of the intramural squabble between the Libertarian Patriot and the Wall Street Journal, which paper Libertarian Patriot said "seems to suggest that Japan's floundering economy could see benefit in the destruction... Certainly it is in poor taste to even broach this subject but this is how Keynesians think; steal from the masses and use the proceeds to fund government projects... progressives always look for some silver lining in a tragedy as a way to expand their big government, socialistic beliefs." Wait -- Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal is Keynesian and progressive? When did this happen? Readers, please advise.
Some certified rightbloggers were also accused of wrongspeak. "Stacy McCain and Matt Drudge decided to found their new grassroots organization, 'Citizens for Nuclear Hysteria and Higher-Priced Electricity,' lamented Little Miss Attila. "Because who cares about the future, when you can get internet traffic now?"
As you may have guessed, Little Miss Attila was referring to the nuclear reactor issues that emerged as Japan's plants reeled from the quake. (We guess she thinks the future would be better off if we kept our mouths shut about these things.)