Top Ten Fattest States: Is Yours on the List, Fatty?

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Americans are the most obese people in the world. Big whoop, if Swedes had the option of eating a Baconzilla at 2a.m. from Checkers' late-night drive-in, those furniture-building fjord jockeys would have some extra winter weight too. Behind eating, Americans' second favorite pastime is reading lists. Our third most cherished activity is writing them, so whenever state-by-state obesity statistics come out, we put down the foot-long Coney and start rankin'. The Huffington Post did!

Instead of boring you like the Huffington Post with a long preamble about health risks and life expectancy, we're going to give you the list of the ten most obese states without comment, hoping you will develop prejudices and cutting asides on your own:

1. Mississippi
2. Louisiana
3. Tennessee
4. Kentucky
5. Oklahoma
6. West Virginia
7. Alabama
8. Arkansas
9. Missouri
10. TIE: Michigan and South Dakota

That was fun, but what's the point of statistics if you don't characterize large swaths of people as both fat and stupid? All we need to do is find some numbers that can be perceived as an indicator of intelligence, but are in actuality affected by a series of complex factors. How about least amount of library visits per capita? Perfect, here's the list:

1. Alabama
2. Delaware
3. Mississippi
4. Texas
5. Louisiana
6. Arkansas
7. Tennessee
8. West Virginia
9. Pennsylvania
10. South Carolina

Boom! Six states occupy both top tens: Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas, Tennessee and West Virginia. By using these vague numbers in tandem, we are able to really knock tens of millions of Americans down a peg. This is all very important, you know, because of statistics.

Before any New Yorkers turn their noses up and insist that they're thin and smart because they eat arugula from Brooklyn farmers' markets and are caught up on Mad Men, consider this: New York has the third fewest bookmobiles per capita, along with the highest amount of syphilis cases.

Take that, you illiterate, syphilitic freaks.

Top 10 Overweight U.S. States And Counties [HuffPo]

[ngreene@villagevoice.com / @nickgreene]

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27 comments
Bruphil
Bruphil

less bacon more shakin people! and for pete's sake read a book

jon
jon

Fat people need to lose weight, end of story.  Stop fuckin up the world by eating too much you fuckin fat asses. I bet most of you people consume way too much by 1:00 PM in the afternoon; you overeating idiots. I have had so far:Lowfat HOOD coffe milkegg and ham breakfast sandwichPoptartVitamin water

That is all i have had. Try being like me and maybe you wont be such a hideous piece of shit.

blkgalusa
blkgalusa

You do have a way with words...

B.
B.

God bless America. If it wasn't for large people we would not have dating sites like www.curvy-bbw-dating.com nor the plus size clothing market. In essence it could be viewed as a micro economics segment.

Think of all the spin offs. Exercise equipment etc. People will become more aware of their health and shape up.

blkgalusa
blkgalusa

I am surprised that California wasn't listed.

Katheean
Katheean

I'd like to see a list of states with the most and least common sense. I find it amazing how how easily the people of our country can get fixated on such meaningless crap. How many states are broke? How many times have we heard someone running for a political office wasn't educated enough? REALLY? If our politicians running our country haven' figured out you can't spend more than you make, then they are book smart and common sense stupid. Sure, like any household, you can get a loam to bail yourself out of a financial mess, but if you don't make cuts to your spending, you'll end up needing another loan with even more bills to meet each month. Ok, grow food in poison and wonder why everyone is getting sick. Process the enzymes out of the food and charge them more when they are added back. Here's food for thought. To bake bread you need 5 ingredients, flour, salt, oil, sugar, and yeast. Look at a loaf of bread next time your in the store. If food is healthier today and medicine is more superior, why are more people sicker than ever before.My grandparents ate bread dipped in bacon grease and sprinkled with sugar as a snack after school.(in the early 1900's) They lived into their eighties without statin drugs. Now everyone you talk to in their forties and up are on statin drugs to lower cholesterol. This is after years of eating less fats. Is what we choose to eat making everyone fat or is what they are doing to our food causing us to be fat and ill? Something's to think about.

Ozzy
Ozzy

But New York has the New York Public Library. It also knows how to use the internet and download pirated ebooks onto its rooted Nook.

Anyway, as a resident of the Dirty South I was going to blame it on the sweet tea, but that don't explain West Virginia.

Jason_wynn85
Jason_wynn85

 I am appalled! Where's GA??? ATL in tha houseee!!

Ozzy
Ozzy

ATL is in the first world. If you cut out Atlanta metro I'm sure Joja would easily qualify (sorry, Savannah).

Amorrison2020
Amorrison2020

i feel that the statistical facts base upon this Gallop poll is incredibly incorrect. I have lived in Florida for the past 10 years and have not scene so many, "disgusting fat-bodies" since moving back to New York. Here's a thought, has anyone figured out that southern states are almost twice the size per capita versus the states in the North, more so, the states considered to be "New England"? No wonder why southern states are considered more obese. Just food for thought.

Ozzy
Ozzy

Florida is on neither of those lists, bro. Next time, post sober.

Jneponsixt
Jneponsixt

 I traveled to England and Israel recently, and the biggest shock was coming back home and realizing I'd gotten used to people twice the size of normal humans.  I just did not see the three foot wide buts and fat aprons like I saw the second I hit the airport in Philly.  Now I can't get it out of my head - we're destroying ourselves with cheap, fatty, sugary foods and sitting on our asses.

Ozzy
Ozzy

Too true!

Something that amazed me was reading the success posts on Mark's Daily Apple (the primal eating blog) and seeing average-looking (sometimes, even seemingly attractive, nice looking, guy-you'd-wanna-share-a-beer-with) white American men transform over several months into Europeans. Seriously, they look like Eurofags without the football jersey. Just because they stopped eating white bread, low fat misery meals, mayo, breaded fried shit, and corn syrup 24/7. (They look happy and confident, too, instead of vague and uncertain.)

The women just look like hotties.

Gwm11
Gwm11

Ahahaha thank you for making my day. I'm still laughing from the last sentence.

Lannah
Lannah

if New York had bookmobiles, they would get hijacked withen days.it a good choice to not have a lot of them.

Monitoruser
Monitoruser

This is a sub-standard and moderately racist article that one can write you ignorant fuck. Did you think about the library metric all by yourself? I have an interesting statistic - You are a bigot, juicy piece of cunt sludge. Oh, and Men's Magazine recently named Huntsville, AL in the top 18 coolest places to live. Guess how many PHD's are there along with the weighted earnings?

Do yourself a favor and research something before you write about it. When you visit the library next time, how about you read a book about how to research a topic instead of showing up just to act smart...The library - really? Eat shit - moron.

Al_Swearengen
Al_Swearengen

How about the top 10 states where people need to get a thicker fucking skin? It's just a stupid Web list, lighten up Francis.

Monitoruser
Monitoruser

Are you kidding me? This poor excuse for a writer basically thinks something about the south and simply comes up with a basic statistic to besmirch a people group then calls it work. It's lazy and pathetic. This shit stick scum bag basically wrote - People from AL, Miss, etc.. are fat and stupid with nothing but simpleton thoughts. The above thinking obviously includes race as well. I almost forgot, fuck you too.

Ozzy
Ozzy

Not only that, I sense an odd cocktail of rage, shame, and bitterness from the author of the OP, as if both aware of the real problems in the South (POVERTY, INEQUALITY, RACISM) that underlie these kinds of statistics but still livid at the smug attitudes of the commenters to the HuffPo article, the sort of blithe, snide dismissal of people they've never met and know nothing about.

Al_Swearengen
Al_Swearengen

The state I grew up in is on the list you prickly prick. So go fuck yourself Mr. Can't-take-a-joke.

Diffordandtilbrook
Diffordandtilbrook

Sasha, if your defending Mississippi against obesity slurs, is citing Elvis really helping?

Sasha Stone
Sasha Stone

You have a point. But the drugs probably killed Elvis. Not the fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

Ozzy
Ozzy

I wouldn't excuse those sandwiches so quickly. Unfermented dwarf wheat flour used to make the bread, so probably leaky gut and inflammation of the arteries right there (gluten, WGA, etc). Fried peanut butter = rancid PUFA party, leading to bad cholesterol, more clogged arteries, and overweight. Sugars in ripe banana and peanut butter, once added to that rancid peanut oil = metabolic disorder, obesity, high blood pressure.

Tell me with a straight face Mick Jagger wasn't just as high in the 70's...

Sasha Stone
Sasha Stone

You know, we could just start with William Faulkner as Mississippi's contribution to our culture and that alone would be enough to cancel out this kind of bad press. Add in the long list of famous writers - Tennessee Williams, Richard Ford, Richard Wright, not to mention the blues giants like B.B. King, Robert Johnson, Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf -- and then you top it off with Elvis himself? A story like that might not grab headlines (but I'm glad to see the Huffington Post is using its wide reach so intelligently) but it far more interesting to note about the place.

I'm sick of all of the bad press on Mississippi and not enough of the good press. It is one of the most influential and culturally relevant places in the world, let alone the US.

Signed,An entitled Californian, pretty nowhere near the fattest state -- what, with all of these neurotics running around?

Monitoruser
Monitoruser

Sasha, these type of overgeneralizations are more indicative of simple, blue blood, elitist group-think. He's a douche and probably wears the title like a badge of honor.

Ozzy
Ozzy

So is worshipping William Faulkner, and waving him around to excuse the South's indiscretions.

By any reasonable measure--infrastructure, literacy, inequality index--the Deep South IS a third world country (Atlanta metro area does not count). Third world countries have literary giants too.

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