Men Relax More When Their Wives Are Doing Chores (Seriously)

• Love to know which study this was- could you please cite the source? As the author of Stress Express: 15 Instant Stress Relievers, I am always trying to learn more.

• Well, that depends. How much credit does your wife get? Does she gets to sit down and rest, or is she too busy washing the dishes, making launch, making dinner, washing the dishes again, folding the previous load of laundry, picking up you're dirty clothes to put in the next load, and making you coffee all while you sit down watching TV for 90 minuets waiting for the laundry? Or three months waiting for the car to need a oil change?

•  When I do the laundry, do I get credit for the full 90 minutes the machines are working, or just the 1 minute of actual work I do?

•  If you clean the gutters twice a year, the proceeds to be too tired for the rest of the year, or if changing the oil three months ago renders you unable of doing the dishes today, I strongly advise you to go see a doctor. Also, if you are unaware of the health issues of unclean dishes, or the social issues of unwashed clothes, you may have a few problems.

• There's so much stuff that never gets factored into the "who does more housework?" studies that makes them almost useless. For instance, men are more likely to have manual labor jobs. Take the couple on King of Queens. He's a delivery guy, she's a legal secretary. He has to run back and forth from the truck about 1000 times a day, she spends most of her time harassing junior associates and shopping on line (if she's like most legal secretaries I've known). It's hardly fair to then expect him to come home and do more manual labor when the most physical work the wife has done is stand in front of the copier. Then there's issues over how to measure work done at home. Does an hour spent cooking dinner (indoors, with the AC and TV on, and with 75% of the time spent watching things cook) count the same as an hour spent mowing the lawn out under the hot sun? How does doing the dishes compare to changing the car's oil? Folding the laundry while watching the soaps versus cleaning out the gutters? And, then there's how to weigh different thresholds for mess. If measuring mess on a scale of 1-10, some people will feel the immediate need to clean as soon as something hits 2, others won't even think there's an issue until level 5, and no urgent need until 9 or guests are invited over. If one member of the couple has a much higher preference for having everything clean all the time, they should do more of the cleaning. And, in my experience, it's usually women who insist on making everything nice and neat for the highly judgmental guests she imagines being in her home all the time. Not to mention people who get things for the sole purpose of having another chore to do. Know anyone who keeps decorative items on their kitchen table or kitchen island, which then have to be removed for every meal and put back afterward? Sorry, but you don't get any credit for busy work you created for yourself.

• Jen, we love you, but you stress us out a lot less when you just do your chores.

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