The Rapture Didn't Happen...Yet

the rapture.jpg
Everyone okay?
Hey, where's Jesus at? Are the holy people going up to heaven right now, and if so, is it too late to get in on that? It's looking like...well, maybe it's too early to say, but it seems as though the world is not in fact ending right now. Maybe I'm jumping the gun and I'm about to get pwned with the other nonbelievers. Is anyone experiencing earthquakes right now? Have you seen holy people being raptured up into heaven? Any "plagues, quakes, wars, famine and general torment"?

If any of you are walking around today and see clutches of crazy people waiting in vain for Jesus, please, please send photos. We'll update if the apocalypse happens.

UPDATE 11:10 a.m.: So...there was an earthquake in the South Sandwich Islands, apparently. As Gothamist puts it, "Are these earthquakes Rapture-related, or can we keep making smug jokes?" For now I'm sticking with smug jokes.

Related: kudos to the Daily News. They're milking the apocalypse for all it's worth.

may21 NYDN cover.jpg

[rgray@villagevoice.com] [@_rosiegray]


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25 comments
Waiting4God
Waiting4God

 yeah well it didnt happen but it will soon. im ready and ecited. but i do feel bad for Camphill. he seems nice but confused. and all those people making fun of him cant see that he only was trying to find answers and get us prepared for the REAL rapture. so i forgive him.

Jennfoolery
Jennfoolery

 There was a tornado in Joplin MO, over dozens people died, unsure on how many ascended. 

Christian=christ-like
Christian=christ-like

In the bible it says that no man knows the day or the hour. So he did not get the date from God's word. I think that he made it up for attention. Well it didn't happen anyways. 

Angela_baby96
Angela_baby96

I cant believe some people killed their children and pets over this.. 

DJ Mello
DJ Mello

     As to "is it too late to get in on that" the answer is no it's not too late. God loves you so much he was willing to die himself then to live eternity without you. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world (you) that he gave his one and only son that if you believe in him you won't perish but will have everlasting life (living in his presence). His Word says in Rom 10:13 "all who call on the name of the Lord will be saved" and "Salvation is a gift so that no-one can say that they earned it". If it's a gift all you have to do to recieve it is ask. If you truly want this gift Jesus offers you just pray this prayer out loud and know that Jesus is listening right now with you. Lord Jesus If your real I need you, please forgive my sins you know what they are and if I'm holding anything against anyone I forgive them right now in the name of Jesus. I'm saved and I will be with you forever because you died for me you rose again and your coming back for me in Jesus name Amen Brothers and sisters if you prayed that prayer and really meant it then that peace you felt is the Holy Spirit in you he will never leave you and your sins are forgiven find a church that preaches the bible and let God change your life for the better and you will start to reach others for Christ and you will be with him forever. God bless you and I'll see you someday in the Lord's house. DJ Mello

BlizzagaLantean
BlizzagaLantean

Silly magazine people. I'd just stand there, read the 'zine, then put it back on the stand. Good money saved.

Bill
Bill

 the are around 30-40 earthquakes a day.

nick3499
nick3499

understand that the SON does not know the exact date on which the following prophesy will occur—"only the FATHER". so, anyone who claims to know the exact date has been misled. yes, HE will come to snatch up all who are "in CHRIST", but first all who have passed away. "After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the LORD in the air. And so we will be with the LORD forever."(1Th 4:16-17 NIV) so that you will not be misled today, study the Bible today.(Mat 24:36; Mar 13:32)

Rachel Hill
Rachel Hill

Surely people taking off and ascending to heaven would be shot down as they did not ask permission to enter the airspace and were thus deemed terrorists? 

Ndhdist
Ndhdist

It's already Sunday in Sydney and Beijing.

molkehii
molkehii

christian = attempting to be Christ like 

Lilrick421
Lilrick421

"if your real"????? First of all numbnuts, the correct grammar is "if you're real"!!! Secondly if you use the word "if" then that means you don't believe retard!!!! You're an idiot and obviously doubt since you start your little prayer with "if you're real...."

Lastly, I want to point out that there will NEVER be a Rapture! It is not in the Bible and is a very new idea that was introduced in the 1600s by Protestant jerkwads to help fill their sinful churches!

Crackodoom
Crackodoom

Way more than that - get the Quakefeed app- pretty cool

Waiting4God
Waiting4God

 well that was a stupid thing to say

Catface
Catface

 I bet anything there'll be a movie made about a real actual rapture happening. And once the boring bit's out of the way, we can finally get down to that kickass metal concert apocalyptic war on Earth!

Mdccon
Mdccon

I find it fascinating that there are a large number of people that believe in and follow middle-eastern mythology as a real format/structure for living and making life decisions. Humans are terrible animals and americans are particularly stupid. I would like to rip the bible into 6 million pieces and burn it or gas it or something. Besides, you guys need to tell the truth, money is your god, not jesus your jew overlord.

Dj Mello
Dj Mello

 I put the word "if" in there for the people who aren't sure if Jesus is real and simply by saying the prayer with a humble heart will show that the person praying has the faith to ask Jesus and that's enough for him. If you knew anything about Christ you would have focused on the purpose for my post and you would have realized my post doesn't say anything about a rapture does it? Jesus did say "I go to prepare a place for you and if I go to prepare a place for you I will return to bring you there." My mistake on the grammer if that's all you take away from my post I can only say one thing for you. Depart from me I never knew you... and I'll pray that this will be the only time you'll ever hear this statement. A Christian reading this will know what I mean by that.

Ryan
Ryan

It's called Left Behind, starring Kirk Cameron

Boboone
Boboone

Christians can be idiots just like any other religion.

Catface
Catface

 Kick ass! I IMDB'd it and it looks good, I might have to give it a watch.

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