The Onion Wants a Pulitzer Prize; New York Post Puts Up iPad Paywall

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In today's edition of Press Clips, our daily media column, the seriously unserious comedians at "America's Finest News Source" do the "I get no respect" routine, kicking off a campaign to score journalism's highest prize, while some more traditional reporters obscure their work, perhaps unintentionally, with orders from on high. Elsewhere, the slow crumbling of music magazines continues into a third decade (approximately), the White House horserace heats up on the press side and an important newspaper man does something extremely shady. For more details, come inside!

Literally Unbelievable: In the wake of a blog that pokes fun of all the idiots who take the satirical newspaper The Onion as truth, the publication is calling for just that, in their own special way.

A New York Times article today, entitled "The Onion Is Seeking a Pulitzer, Any Pulitzer," reads like ...well, an Onionarticle:

Saying the paper's journalistic excellence should be overlooked no longer, The Onion is beginning a full-scale multimedia campaign to get a long-coveted Pulitzer. Readers, celebrities, world leaders and a nonprofit advocacy group called Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes are all contributing to the effort.
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With an oddness that only The Onion could muster, the list of luminaries who have contributed testimonial video pleas to the Pulitzer board includes Gayle King, the radio talk show host and best friend of Oprah Winfrey, and the president of Georgia, Mikheil Saakashvili.

"We're spending all our capital on this," Mr. Reiss added.

"You Ignorant, Negligent Swine," is how The Onion refers to the Pulitzer board, demanding them "to stop the bias, stop the ignorance, and stop the neglect." Get it?

iPad Ignorance: In the world of serious newspapers -- the kind that call possible sexual abuse victims "palsy gal" -- they still don't really understand how readers use technology, with Rupert Murdoch's New York Post blocking the tabloid's website in the Safari browser, which comes default on the iPad.

In what The Atlantic calls "the most egregious paywall yet," Murdoch's News Corp. would prefer iPad owners buy the Post app, which costs $1.99 for 30 days, or maybe even just buy The Daily, Murdoch's other newspaper -- the one without a real website whether you're on the iPad or not.

Dizzy: Spin magazine fired its editor, Doug Brod, and publisher, Malcolm Campbell today, the New York Times reports, putting deputy editor Steve Kandell into the top editorial spot and Mike Albanese in charge of the business side. Longtime music editor Charles Aaron becomes editorial director, as Spin preps " to further develop its online presence through apps."

A Little to the Right: Ed Henry, CNN's chief White House correspondent, will move to Fox News to do the same job, as everyone in that business buckles down for a good 15 months of watching Republicans say ridiculous things.

Money Games: The Washington Post Company, which owns the paper that shares its name, actually makes most of its money from Kaplan, which specializes in higher education materials and courses. No one knows this better than Post Co. Chairman Don Graham, who has been lobbying lawmakers to go easy on for-profit education businesses.

As soon as he got what he wanted -- looser regulations for Kaplan -- the Post Co.'s stock prices went up, and Graham helped his family unload around $10 million worth of Washington Post Co. stock, Politico reports. But it was just for his siblings, a spokesman insisted, "which is to say that he has gotten no personal gain whatsoever." Well in that case!

WTF: The New York Times is covered in shit.

[jcoscarelli@villagevoice.com / @joecoscarelli]

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Profco
Profco

If for nothing else, The Onion deserves a Pulitzer for an all too prophetic piece published just before the inauguration of President G.W. Bush. At the time it seemed ridiculously over the top, and most readers probably found it too absurd to even be funny. But in retrospect, "Our Long National Nightmare..." nailed it!  ****** Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over' January 17, 2001 | ISSUE 43•01 ISSUE 37•01   WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."   "My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."  Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.   During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.  "You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"  On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further. ... [edited for length, not content--sorry!] Bush concluded his speech on a note of healing and redemption.  "We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more widening left to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it."  "The insanity is over," Bush said. "After a long, dark night of peace and stability, the sun is finally rising again over America. We look forward to a bright new dawn not seen since the glory days of my dad." ****** If that's not worthy of a Pulitzer, what is?

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