Nude TSA Images Will No Longer Be Remotely Sexy
If going through airport security was, for a short time, your favorite means of getting a glimpse of some fellow human's nude body, think again! TSA is onto you. Contrary to popular belief, they don't like looking at you nude, and they don't think you should look at anyone else nude, either. Thus, as they battle the forces of terrorism throughout our great country, they have replaced the "explicit 'person-specific images'" revealed by full-body scanners with a generic image of the distinctly 1-dimensional, flat, sexless person missing not only genitalia but also a nose at right.
This is good news for all those who've been busy complaining that scanned images are practically a strip search and a violation of privacy when they really should have just devoted that time to ab work. No matter now!
Something we can all get behind is this: The software upgrade might speed up security lines, since agents no longer have to sneak away to look at them privately so as not to offend anyone's sense of modesty and/or be pervy. Whew!