Rightbloggers Celebrate 4th of July by Unmasking Jaycees, Firefighters, And Other Traitors
We refer not to the indigent or the oppressed, but to rightbloggers whose Independence Day essays show that the blessing for which they are most (not to say exclusively) grateful is the freedom to tell one another what a bunch of traitors their opponents are -- an important liberty, to be sure, but, like the freedom to eat as many Reese's Peanut Butter Cups as one can get down, best exercised in moderation lest nausea result.
Their favorite news hook in this regard came, surprisingly, from the world of academia.
In May a couple of professors -- one from Bocconi University in Italy, one from Harvard's Kennedy School of Government -- reported study results which showed "days without rain on Fourth of July in childhood have lifelong effects. In particular, they shift adult views and behavior in favor of the Republicans and increase later-life political participation." (That is, "the likelihood that an adult at age 40 identifies as a Republican increases by 0.76 percentage points for each rain-free Fourth of July during childhood, where childhood is defined as the ages of 3-18.")
This was digested by big media outlets in headlines like "Harvard: July 4th Parades Are Right-Wing" and "GOP's July 4th Advantage," and seized upon by rightbloggers as proof that liberals hate parades, barbecues, and America.
"More bad news for President Obama's 2012 reelection bid," observed Andrew Malcolm at the L.A. Times. "The left detests all forms of patriotism," said Weasel Zippers, "if you instill a love of America in a child it's extremely unlikely they will identify with the Democratic party when they grow up."
"The notion that conservatives have appropriated notions of American patriotism is questionable," reacted the Washington Times. "A stronger case can be made that the left abandoned patriotism sometime in the 1960s and never came back to it... Conservatives did not 'appropriate' American patriotism; they saw it in the gutter where the left had tossed it, picked it up with reverent hands, and set it standing again." We marvel the Times did not add that conservatives also brushed off the seat of patriotism's pants and gave it a few bucks for a cup of coffee.
"It seems Democrats have a patriotism problem after all," said Ace of Spades. He added "Top Ten Ways Democrats Can Re-'Appropriate' July Fourth" -- including "4. Serve soy chai lattes at July Fourth parades" and "3. A free bong hits booth at every parade," suggesting that Democrats patronize Starbucks and smoke weed, showing their immense distance from ordinary Americans.
As no such contretemps is complete without a claim from conservatives that they have been unfairly maligned, Dancing from Genesis claimed the report was written "apparently to snipe at the american conservative cause," because the "christian message" of Republicans was "anathema to the bibliophobes on the left who dominate the democrat party."
Like most 4th of July picnic fare, this goes best with large amounts of beer.
No citation supporting this claim was offered, but Dancing from Genesis' refutation was interesting nonetheless:
"But why are they bibliophobes, what do they know or not know to make them so?" they said. "Do they realize that the ice age could have been caused by only a warmer ocean heated from below such as by the fountains of the deep injecting heat during Noah's Flood? It's just hydrology 101, yet not admitted by the bibliophobes because that road leads to the Bible, and they can't have that, nor discussion of such in the public schools now under their control."
As Olson Johnson said after Gabby Johnson's peroration in Blazing Saddles: Now who can argue with that?
Red State Report said the study's "conclusion" was that "Democrats do not get into the 4th of July." As added evidence they reproduced a list of things Americans spend money on during the Fourth, and commented -- we assume playfully -- that Democrats don't enjoy fireworks because these "could hurt somebody and cause injuries. This would put undo pressure on the Obamacare system, which could not handle the additional patient load sure to occur from explosive injuries." Maybe their readers will take the hint and organize a squad of suicide cherry-bombers who will immolate or maim themselves in order to expose the deficiencies of health care reform. It could become the new Going Galt.
Power Line said, "Are Republicans more patriotic than Democrats? I think so, in general" and, while questioning the study, told parents who wanted to raise rightwing kids that "if it rains on Monday where you live, don't take any chances. Celebrate the holiday anyway. Set off fireworks in your garage." Maybe they're in on Red State Report's plan! One more citation and it's a trend.
Meanwhile a firefighters' union in Racine, Wisconsin declined to support a Fourth of July float run by a colleague -- which is understandable, as the colleague had earlier quit and disdained the union. "This was just one of those that we're taking a hands-off approach to it," said the local union president. (The union later said it didn't mind if union firefighters wanted to march with the float.)
The float, which has a 9/11 theme, is scheduled to appear in the parade. But many rightbloggers, apparently still angry about the firefighters' solidarity with teachers in Wisconsin earlier this year, claimed the union firemen had tried to remove, or even succeeded in removing, the float from the parade, thereby showing the firefighters' contempt for the Fourth and for the heroes of 9/11.
"Wisconsin Firefighters' Union Tries to Block Parade Float Honoring 9/11 Victims," said Christian Schneider at National Review. "Wisconsin Firefighters Union Reportedly Blocks Ex-Member's 9/11 Tribute Float," reported/decided Fox News.
"A Wisconsin firefighters union has put the kibosh on including a 9/11 float during a July 4th parade," said Robert A. George at the New York Post. "So, rather than show their support for the heroes of 9/11," etc.
"This Independence Day, it's union first, American second," intoned Some Guy at RedState. "On September 11, 2001, 2,977 people were killed by terrorists" -- we understand that on some browsers, this intro included a MIDI file of Toby Keith songs -- "...the terrorists did not care whether those they killed were exclusively American or not, nor did they care whether or not the victims were carrying a union card."
Some Guy, at least, didn't claim the union had tried to remove the float, but he more than made up for this in old-fashioned Have You Forgotten gibberish.
"While the IAFF certainly has the right not to support a float honoring the fallen heroes," Some Guy generously allowed, "it does say a lot about the union's leadership... On September 11, 2001, 2,977 Americans died. Some of them were union members, many others were not. This begs the question: If a non-union firefighter perishes saving others, does it make him any less of a hero?" The sane person's answer to this would be, "Who said it did?" or "What?" but there is no evidence that sane people read RedState.