How to Prepare for a Hurricane in New York City: A Semi-Official Guide

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Well, that earthquake yesterday kind of took us by surprise. Though, in retrospect, we wouldn't have done it much differently, particularly as it only lasted about 10 seconds. Maybe we would have enjoyed it more, knowing what we do now, being something of an "earthquake expert." (Shut it, California.) Maybe we would have been funnier. But there is a new thing to fear and anticipate mocking snarkily quite literally on the horizon, and that is...a possible hurricane. Hurricane Irene. How best to prepare for a hurricane in New York City? We will tell you.

First of all, dear New Yorkers, there is, in fact, a "Ready New York: Hurricanes and New York City" brochure available for download on the New York City Office of Emergency Management's website. It has some important information, like how to develop a hurricane disaster plan and secure your home, and lists NYC hurricane evacuation zones. It is not very long, so we read it for you! Here are some of its highlights:

The Scary Part: In a major hurricane, storm surge could put some parts of New York City under more than 30 feet of water.

The Debatably Soothing Part: The New York City Office of Emergency Management works to ensure the city is prepared for coastal storms and hurricanes.

The Why a Hurricane Would Especially Suck in New York City Part: If you live in a high-rise building outside an evacuation zone, be prepared to take shelter on or below the 10th floor. If you live in a high-rise building located in an evacuation zone, heed evacuation orders. Know where you should go. The middle of Queens is lovely this time of year.

The Inevitable Part About the Go-Bag: Yeah, so, if you're prepared enough to have a go-bag or know what one is you're probably way ahead of us. But if you want to make one -- and it's suggested that you do, so you don't run around grabbing things like your computer and an apple and one sock and then running out the door -- it's also suggested that it include things like granola bars, important documents, your keys, money and credit cards, a flashlight, a radio (like you have one of those) and batteries, medicine, stuff for your kids if you have kids, water, and a potato clock. Not really the potato clock, that's just our suggestion, so you know what time it is.

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The Remaining Parts That Feel Like Stuff You Should Know:

• Remember, a Watch is different than a Warning. A Watch means, we're watching for it, but it's not happening yet, a/k/a, there is a threat. A Warning means, holy hell, it's coming. Quick, get your apple and your favorite sock!

• "Hurricane conditions" mean winds of 74 mph or higher and/or dangerously high tides or waves. Irene right now is a category 3, as it heads to the Carolinas. It may be "the most powerful hurricane to strike the East Coast of the United States in years." Eeek! It's expected to reach New York as something between a category 2 and a category 1 over the weekend. That means it will have winds between 100 and 80 miles per hour. Weather will be terrible.

• What's an evacuation zone? This means, you should evacuate. How do you know if you're in one? Check www.NYC.gov/hurricanezones, or call 311, or download the map here. This is where waterfront property, especially in Manhattan, and, say, the Hamptons, becomes something of a detriment. See also: Middle of Queens. Who's laughing at whom, now?

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21 comments
Yos Wyndt
Yos Wyndt

Big Nick's is the place to be rightnow @ Bway/77th St

MSYnative
MSYnative

A word of advice from a New Orleanian.  Do your laundry now before the power goes out.  Even down here they miss that one on the thiings to do list.

Travlingypsy
Travlingypsy

Typical NY arrogance - stupidity.  You guys have obviously never lived through a hurricane.  If it hits NYC...you'll be in some deep doo doo regardless of the category.  You sit on a fault line. You have no barrier islands to slow the thing down, you stick out into way too many bodies of water to escape damage.  Even at level 1 you'll be walking around with deep south wading boots for more days than you'd like.  I have no idea what happens to tall buildings at gale force winds...and I don't want to find out. If your smart you'll leave.  I've lived through several...believe me I wouldn't want to be on an island, full of lots of cement and glass that sticks out into a very open water.  Seems like a really dumb place to be in a hurricane. 

Roscoep Coaltrain
Roscoep Coaltrain

I lived in hurricane country for 30+ years, and a class 3 or above is no joke....A 1 or 2 is mostly just a pain in the ass, especially if you have a bunch of trees go down, or have a pool. As for your hurricane party, lots of rum, bud longnecks on ice, and a big pot of shrimp and or crabs are your traditional fare...make sure the obligatory candles aren't near the drapes or anything else flammable, as some drunk will burn your house down, which is both ironic and shitty during a massive downpour...cheers

Guest
Guest

"A 1 or 2 is mostly just a pain in the ass"   wot?!  I'm a Floridian and these kinds of statements are just irresponsible. 

And, a Hurricane Cat 1 in places like New York?  Are you freakin' kidding me?  The damage is unthinkable for too many reasons.

Hey,  if I lived in places like NY or Jersey, I would be outta there.  Can anyone imagine New Yorker's "camping out" for a week or two and "slumming it"?  I think not.

Here's a  hurricane survival tip:  Do you know all that you need in the event you can't flush a toilet?   Hmmmn.  Toilet humor is very funny, except if you are stuck for a week with no flushing toilets, no internetz, cable TV, cell phone, a working Starbucks, a microwave, and .....

Guest
Guest

Bleach clean your tub, rinse, fill with water for Cleaning Only.  Plenty of Baby wipes, kitchen size trash bags, which you put inside construction/industrial thickness and size trash bags.  Lots of bleach, and lysol.

Enmach
Enmach

You forgot ammunition, blunt weapons and spray paint for the "YOU LOOT, WE SHOOT" tags.

valles
valles

Surely God would not allow so pious a people as the North Americans  to be struck by such plagues. 

The Book of The Prophet Tea-leaf saith" low he shall protect the pious" so that's alright then.

Stephen Jeffrey Beverage
Stephen Jeffrey Beverage

Subject: MAN is not in control of hurricane paths???Date: 08-25-11 08.30 amhttp://www.charlotteobserver.c...http://forums.charlotteobserve...

After watching the approach of a hurricane last year on radar and seeing it "pocked" in circles with open spaces, only an "idiot" would say MAN is not in control of hurricane paths!!!

Charlotte Mission Possible Forum might be an assist to do GOOD, but cannot stop men who keep secrets, but it may expose them!!!

Or try: PRAYER AGAINST SATAN and THE REBELLIOUS ANGELS at:http://forums.charlotteobserve...http://www.facebook.com/editno...¬e_id=10150290950929712&id=100000704668027

   ___+++___   ___+++___   ___+++   ___   ___+++___   ___+++___

(My comment was discovered "deleted" 08-25-11 09.46 am) from:http://www.charlotteobserver.c...

After "adding" to the posting:

Or try: PRAYER AGAINST SATAN and THE REBELLIOUS ANGELS at:http://forums.charlotteobserve...http://www.facebook.com/editno...¬e_id=10150290950929712&id=100000704668027

   ___+++___   ___+++___   ___+++   ___   ___+++___   ___+++___

Susan Campolo
Susan Campolo

Stupid and a waste of time that can be spent doing some prep work.  You apartment dwellers have no concept of what it takes to secure your home in high winds.  Trees can come down on your house , water pumps run on electric as do gas pumps and ATMs.  Milk will go off because the electric will go out too.  I lived through enough hurricanes to know that complacency is the number one cause of death in hurricanes.  Take Katrina for example.  Keep joking around and people will not take this seriously, as if anyone actually does anyway.

Mary O'Shaughnessy
Mary O'Shaughnessy

If you live in an evacuation zone, MAKE ARRANGEMENTS FOR YOUR PETS. They aren't allowed in shelters due to health and safety concerns and regulations.

powerage
powerage

Also buy ice to keep the beer cold, in case the power goes out.

Tanyajkj
Tanyajkj

this is the only time i am happy to say I don't have a house in central jersey.

TommyJHC
TommyJHC

Have been preparing many clients for the storm. Boarding windows, and doors and removing things from their vacation homes.

DannyAdelante
DannyAdelante

I live in the middle of Queens.  Everyone's welcome.  BYOB.  There will also be punch and pie.

mj2000
mj2000

great story! thanks for being informative and funny.

915bsides
915bsides

haha your story is hilarious and very informative :)

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