Rightbloggers Shiver at Hurricane Irene, Denounce Obama For Not Screwing It Up

tomt200.jpgHow was your Hurricane? Not too bad, we hope. We regret to report that rightbloggers didn't have the best time. They were all right in the run-up to Irene, when they were in their element -- that is, both spreading and suffering panic. But after a while, as the storm settled down and turned out to have caused less mayhem than had been feared, it became dismayingly clear that there was nothing in this to blame on President Obama.

Not that they let that stop them.

We had to expect, and are inclined to excuse, rightbloggers who merely stuck conservative boilerplate on disaster news reports -- for example, The Lonely Conservative, which headlined a post "Saturday Evening Quick Hits - Irene Edition" and proceeded almost immediately to "Did you hear about the hit piece the New York Times put out against Rep. Darryl Issa?" We know how it is, buddy -- gotta hunt where the ducks are.

Conservatives being natural fearmongers, we also had to expect rightblogger posts that attempted to rattle their readerships -- or that denounced others who didn't share their feelings of terror. (We may call this phenomenon "9/11 Syndrome.") Our favorite in this category was a post at RedState entitled "Is The Drudge Report Low Balling Hurricane Irene?" ("If Matt Drudge wants to be a skeptic that's his prerogative, but as well trafficked as his site is he should feel a greater sense of responsibility at the very least.") Have You Forgotten This Coming Weekend?

All media sources, of course, had a stake in keeping their readers terrified enough to tune in for disaster news, but it seemed to us that rightbloggers went heavier on the armageddon angle than most. There were, for example, Brendan Loy's slightly hysterical dispatches, including this one: "It's also time for NYC's local officials to stop pretending that a Category 1 hurricane strike is the 'worst-case scenario' for their city. That sort of false reassurance, masquerading as a warning, is deeply unhelpful..." Loy also denounced New York's Mayor Bloomberg for not being pro-active enough against what turned out to be a non-disaster ("Is the mayor of New York an idiot?").

"Been reading Tweets all morning from people up North who are whining about the inconvenience of having to prepare/change their daily routine/evacuate," complained Sister Toldjah. This "makes my blood boil.... People laugh at us here in NC sometimes because the bread and milk and batters fly off the shelves at the first sign of a snowflake. But I personally would rather be prepared and not need things than to need things and not be prepared." If your local stores were sold out of flashlights by Thursday, you may be sure Sister Toldjah or her generic equivalent lives in your neighborhood -- her basement full of hand-cranked and battery-operated equipment and shotguns, ready for anything.

Some really went flying off the deep end. You probably saw dozens of pre-Irene checklists on the internet, but the lists made by rightbloggers always had a little something extra; at Big Government, for example, Michelle Lancaster began her list with "1. Don't rely on FEMA. The local, state and federal government are not there to help you." That's getting your priorities straight! Get bottled water, but first remember to reject statism!

But the cake-taker was rightwing chiropractor Melissa Clouthier. Under the headline "PREPARE!" Clouthier advised her readers to get set not only for disaster, but also for marauding gangs of post-Irene monsters -- especially in New York, because you know how those people are.

"New York is going to have some problems that New Orleans had," warned Clouthier. "A rather land-locked populace, many of whom rely on public transportation. The time for leaving is now. You have two days. Don't dally."

irenemap.jpg
You know what time it is, America? Time to FREAK THE FUCK OUT!

Clouthier then advised readers in the area to stock up on several items, some of them ordinary ("extra paper goods"), some of them extraordinary -- e.g., "Buy a chainsaw now. Laugh if you will, but we helped many people get out of their driveways and out of neighborhoods with our chainsaw. People were stuck." (That's how you spot one of those rare New York Republicans: he spends a pre-disaster weekend desperately scouring Chelsea for a chainsaw.)

Also, Clouthier said everyone should buy guns, because "people get desperate." And New York's post-Irene flash mob rampages proved her point!

"You're probably thinking this is melodramatic," cried Clouthier wildly like Kevin McCarthy at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. "Not so much. Things get primal awfully quickly. When it comes down to it, there will be a grim determination that sets in. You'll start only seeing men at the grocery store. You'll see panicked people pleaded with grocers for more water. You'll wish you had prepared. You'll feel foolish because you knew what you should do but you didn't do it..." But by then IT WILL BE TOO LATE!

On the more theoretical but no less bizarre side, Ira Stoll speculated on the possibility of "Irene Price Gouging." No, he wasn't writing to denounce it, but to warn that "opportunistic politicians will soon be out denouncing price-gouging connected with Hurricane Irene..."

Stoll felt that, even if someone charged you $100, or perhaps your anal virtue, for a gallon of gas, still "this strikes me as one of those things where self-regulation works pretty well. If a retailer sets a price too high, he may not sell what he wants to sell, and he may alienate customers." The possibility that the seller may quickly melt into the darkness and thus be unconcerned with his future in that specific market seems not to have occurred to Stoll.

"On the other hand," Stoll added, "forcing retailers to keep prices low might just assure that scarce supplies sell out quickly to hoarders or resellers. That's why you see subjective words such as 'unconscionably excessive,' 'excessive,' or 'too much' in these statutes, or in descriptions of them by politicians." Nannies ruin everything; once upon a time you could watch a man die of thirst because he didn't have a nickel for a drink from your water barrel, and no one would hassle you.

Of course, as in all things, Obama was blamed -- but rightbloggers had trouble deciding what to blame him for. The government handling of the storm seemed to go smoothly, and the President returned from his Massachusetts vacation before the storm hit -- his absence having given them a hook in recent days ("Obama Briefed on Hurricane Irene -- Goes Golfing").

By and large, they settled on free association.


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23 comments
I'm racist waaaah waaah waah
I'm racist waaaah waaah waah

Edroso is a naive reality-ignoring religious faith-based bitch!

Teens Target Cyclists In ‘Knockout’ GameAugust 29, 2011 12:38 PMST. LOUIS, MO. (KMOX) — There’s an alert out about recent assaults on bike riders in south St. Louis.Trailnet*org, an organization that promotes hiking and biking, is cautioning riders to be on the alert for roving bands of teenagers who swarm and attack riders.Trailnet says the latest attack was last Thursday (8/25) afternoon near Missouri Botanical Garden where a group of 10 to 15 African-American teens charged and attacked a cyclist.“They weren’t really interested in robbing me. It just seemed like they wanted to beat me up,” says assault victim Cheech Ramirez. “They weren’t interested in letting me get off the ground and having a fair fight.”Ramirez says he and his friends returned to the scene minutes later to help another bicyclist who was being beaten.Police say there have been other, similar attacks in the city, and they believe all the victims are picked at random.Mayor Francis Slay is calling for action, possibly with citizen bike patrols set up with the help of Trailnet and local police.Police urge bike riders to be aware of their surrounding and call 911 when they see a swarm mob preparing an assault.Copyright KMOX Radohttp://stlouis.cbslocal*com/2011/08/29/alert-for-swarm-and-slug-mobs/

McSalmon
McSalmon

Oh look - someone forgot the point again. I would love to hear the opinion of the proper response to the Hurricane Irene devastation as filtered through the mindset of a racist who admittedly cries way too much. Alas, the one we have seems to have forgotten to mention the multi-state tropical storm in his diatribe, so I shall never know now! O Universe, how cruel you are to me to deny me the wisdom of this living fart.

David Vitter
David Vitter

Gawker has dug up some possible dirt on Bill O'Reilly:gawker*com/5834808/how-bill-oreilly-tried-to-get-his-wifes-boyfriend-investigated-by-the-cops

MARY JO KOPECHNE'S GHOST
MARY JO KOPECHNE'S GHOST

WHY HAVEN'T YOU REPORTED THAT OBAMA'S UNCLE WAS BUSTED LAST WEEK FOR DUI IN MASSACHUSETTS AND IS BEING HELD WITHOUT BAIL BECAUSE HE'S AN ILLEGAL ALIEN!

McSalmon
McSalmon

BECAUSE NO ONE BELIEVES IN GHOSTS, EXCEPT FOR 8 YEAR OLDS AND CRAZY PEOPLE!

coozledad
coozledad

YES THERE ARE TOO GHOSTS, BUT WE NEED A LIVING INTERMEDIARY TO FIX OUR JAMMED CAPS LOCK KEY.AND SANDWICHES. THERE ISN'T A GODDAMN THING TO EAT HERE.

ChrisV82
ChrisV82

It seems like all of the conservatives' predictions about this hurricane were as wrong as all of their other predictions. Hopefully their mouth breathing readers took their advice, loaded up the SUV with bread, water and chainsaws, and drove to some inland red state. Leave those of us on the east coast in peace with our elitist liberal bias, thank you very much.

In the days following the hurricane, expect Democrats to petition for 'reconstruction funds.

Hmm, we shall see. When all the owners of beach front property ask for the government to repair their beaches, we'll have to check their registration.

Mr. Wonderful
Mr. Wonderful

"Never mind that he isn't competent to organize a Little League baseball team"

Wait--I thought his ability to organize (as a community organizer) was bad?  Now it's his inability to organize?  And a Little League baseball team is, by definition, already organized.  It's a sand-lot pickup game that has to be "organized."

I'm starting to think Hugh Hewitt is a blithering asshole.  Can that be right?

Horatius
Horatius

Apologize to all assholes. NOW!!

glenn
glenn

In his America, your local neighborhood watch would stand ready to help, without waiting for 'first responders' from a distance.

I'm sure glad I'll be relying on my local neighborhood watch to repair my roads, re-run downed power lines, and providing medical treatment if any of my family members happen to have a life-threatening accident.

The guy two doors down has a chainsaw.

Nancy Irving
Nancy Irving

And are these the same neighbors we've bought a gun to defend ourselves against?

laym
laym

You know, maybe the time has come for us to take control of that chainsaw ... I'm just thinking here ...

commie atheist
commie atheist

Perfect!  He can amputate any crushed arms or legs.  Just be sure to pour enough whiskey over the business end to sterlizie it.

R. Porrofatto
R. Porrofatto

It's about time someone finally compared Obama's handling of the economy to O.J. Simpson killing his wife and Ron Goldman. It's so obvious I can't believe it took this long. I'm reassured to see that Hugh Hewitt keeps his ooga booga honed, and the balls to write immediately afterwards, "Sure, some stupid, willfully blind or self-interested people will deny these cause-and-effect connections..." I hope we don't have to wait as long for the Willie Horton, D.C. Sniper, and Papa Doc comparisons.

negative 1
negative 1

 "Gone are the days when a hurricane would be treated as what it actually is - a terrible act of God."Also gone are the days when he could sacrifice virgins to that God in order to stop it, and gone are the days when he could tell everyone that their impudent ways had caused it.F%^king science.  Ruins everything.

The Dark Avenger
The Dark Avenger

The cot they are providing is too low for my father to be able to stand up from it without assistance.

"Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions."

glenn
glenn

You'll start only seeing men at the grocery store.

WTF is that supposed to mean? Are the streets of the city soon to become too wild and vicious for the little ladies to go out on? Will women risk their virtues by stopping in at Shop Rite for a pack of toilet paper? Will there be fisticuffs in the aisles of Gristedes over cans of Pringles? "Honey, barricade the apartment door while I venture out and forage a couple blocks over on Broadway."

M. Krebs
M. Krebs

It means that the only thing you'll see is men at the grocery store, which sounds like a quite severe type of insanity.

petesh
petesh

It's raining men!

The Tired Hack
The Tired Hack

Well, Roy, you move to the neighborhood and with you arrives an earthquake and a hurricane. You certainly know how to make an entrance. I live in Silver Spring so if you need to know anything like where to find a good pizza (good luck with that, by the way) give us a holler. 

Alan Scherstuhl
Alan Scherstuhl

Considering there's a major disaster every three months or so in America these days, FEMA sure is taking its goddamned time on that whole seizing-control thing.

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