Single People Are Doomed

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WTF, science? Today in news we could, perhaps quite literally, live without, it turns out that not only are single people kinda screwed tax-wise and forced to buy their married friends gifts in honor of their marriages and their children whom we must also affix photographs of to our sad little single-people refrigerators and smile and grin and bear it, never expecting gifts in return, but also...we will quite likely die sooner.

It's long been established by science that single people (particularly, men) do statistically worse in terms of overall health and longevity than the marrieds, but according to new research from the University of Louisville that compiled data from 90-some previous studies of approximately 500 million people, the "risk of death was 32 percent higher across a lifetime for single men compared to married men. Single women face a 23 percent higher mortality risk, compared to married women."

Except, of course, that we all have a 100 percent risk of dying. That's not really a risk so much as a fact. But, in real terms, this means that single people (defined as people who had never married) could die faster than their coupled friends.

MSNBC breaks it down:

Single men could die about eight to 17 years earlier than their married male friends, says Roelfs, citing that nearly all of the data was gleaned from studies conducted in the last 60 years. Women don't fare much better. They could die seven to 15 years earlier than their married female counterparts.

Reasons for this include lesser health benefits for single folks along with less earning potential, public assistance, and social support. And less nagging from another to eat healthily or behave yourself. But if you can hang in there, single people, until you're in your curmudgeonly 70s, your chances of outliving the marrieds get a lot better.

Note that since the studies leave out divorced and widowed folks, there's some skepticism as to their accuracy in the first place. And, of course, being unhappily married can't be too great for you.

The ultimate upside to all of this, presuming accuracy, however, is that it means less time having to sit through dinners with our married pals as they ask us to regale them with entertaining stories of our singlehood since they're just boring old settled-down married fogeys [adorable smirk] and, oh yeah, don't we want to be set up with their insurance coworker's darling brother? It may be better just to die sooner and escape having to tell them later that you puked on the dude's shoes after making out with him and probably won't be inviting them to your wedding anytime soon.

Or maybe that's just us. By the way, we don't really think single people are doomed. Unless you mean...doomed to be awesome.

Single people may die younger, new study finds [MSNBC]

[JDoll / @thisisjendoll]

Go to Runnin' Scared for all our latest news coverage.

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13 comments
Sexy College Girls
Sexy College Girls

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Frank Casto
Frank Casto

Last year the same group stated the married men die sooner. Because they want to.

Frank Casto
Frank Casto

You can collect facts to prove any point. Just like every fable has an opposite. A bird in the hand is worth two in bush. -vs- nothing ventured, nothing gained. They leave out the types of studies they compiled. The extreme sport crowd, and other risk takers are usually younger and single, and the risky life does create a younger average age of death. I did my cliff jumping, scuba diving, shark hunting when I was single, and take less risks now that I have wife and children. Also, the many adults that are obese or have medical conditions that shorten their lives frequently die without the opportunity /ability to get married. All birds have wings. All planes have wings. So all planes are birds. B.S. 

Ciphersyprano
Ciphersyprano

Way I see it, just means we get to reincarnate into another higher, purer form of existence faster... as opposed to being doomed to retain impure, imperfect flesh for yet another generation.

kiss kiss
kiss kiss

people should read the story about the pakistani woman whose plotted her death in NJ...married people are in danger too...from each other! 

insovietrussia
insovietrussia

They don't take into stock those single people with pets (blood pressure improvement overall)..... or healthy masturbatory habits (creates emotional well being/balance in one's personal life). 

Kid
Kid

Psh....whatever. I LOVE being single. The only bs I have to put up with is my own :D

Guest
Guest

if you factor in married couples dying on the inside it probably comes out about even

efficient marketplace

DennyCrane
DennyCrane

Aw crap.

juliaal
juliaal

I just paíd $20.87 for an íPad 2.64GB and my boyfriend loves his Panasoníc Lumíx GF 1 Cámera that we got for $38.79 there arriving tomorrow by UP S.I will never pay such expensive retail príces in stores again. Especially when I also sold a 40 inch LCD T V to my boss for $657 which only cost me $62.81 to buy.Here is the website we use to get it all from : http://BidsBit.com

BellaDePaulo
BellaDePaulo

Thanks for your skeptical take on this bogus story. I'm the person who was quoted at the end as not believing it. I've taught research methods for decades, and the grounds for the claims made in this research are bogus. I explained that in detail in my Living Single column at Psychology Today:http://www.psychologytoday.com...

--Bella DePaulo

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