10 Things New Yorkers Need to Stop Doing Immediately
In light of the latest suspicious package left on public transit, which led to a shutdown of Times Square at peak commuting time (and, surely, got everybody's nerves up in a bunch, yet again, not to mention, is there enough coffee in the world for all of this?), it's time for a little PSA. Here are 10 things that we really need to stop doing. Call it etiquette, call it a movement for the betterment of society. Call it what you will. We're guilty of some, ourselves.
10. Please stop leaving your shit in places it does not belong. We don't care if it's a suitcase, a McDonald's bag with a half-eaten burger in it, a pile of vomit from that time you just couldn't help it. As you learned on your 4th grade field trip to the nature preserve, you don't leave your trash behind. Pick up after yourself. We're tired of having to call 311 about your suspicious package that's really an aging Samsonite you felt like letting the bus driver take care of. He does not want your shit, either!
9. Men -- and we're singling you out because we've never seen a woman do this, but women, if you do this, this is for you, too (and you are disgusting) -- STOP SPITTING ON THE SIDEWALK AND STREET. This is repugnant behavior. Beyond that, it's incomprehensible. Is your body so compromised that you must rid it of its own saliva regularly? Or are you just trying to be obnoxious? (See #10: Please stop leaving your shit in places it does not belong.)
8. Hey, people who work for "good causes" by standing in the middle of the sidewalk with a clipboard and asking us if we believe that homelessness should continue or if we want to fight child abuse. Of course we don't think homelessness should continue! Of course we hate children being abused! What we don't like is your passive agressive questioning technique, and the fact that you think that you can trick us into stopping and signing your petition/giving you money with it. Get off the streets, and onto a computer, where you can send us an email reminder to donate that we can simply delete without having to step around you. (Similarly, yes, we do like comedy, and we're happy to tell someone where we got our hair done, but it's not you.)
7. We're not sure these people are really New Yorkers, but they seem to live here, so we'll address them as such: Please do not stand directly behind us as we wait to board the elevator. This is creepy, particularly when there is no one else there. Further, if we are in line (on line, if you must) at Duane Reade or the taco stand, please allow for a berth based on the size of an average human. Step back! You're freaking us out, and you're certainly not helping the line move faster.